And so on.

Because when Charlie fakes your existence you do not just get a little book with a picture in it. There are people in Valletta who will swear they went to school with me. There is a construction company on Gozo where I did my first job during the summer vacation there is a girl there who broke my heart and has always regretted it.

You can go and ask them. They’ll tell you all about me. No ambiguity at all.

“Thank you so much I have one question can you provide digital account access?”

“Oh yes of course that is just modern. You also will need this it is called an American name quite unusual they say: a dongle.”

“Excellent.”

—

I cannot go to the school because the lady has seen Banjo and Banjo is hard to forget. Charlie cannot go ditto. Doc does not want to go but I put it on my section of the HOMER board so she goes.

Horrible fucking revenge.

“Welcome to the Dorfschule Kircheisen how splendid you are coming here to live that is excellent.”

“O yes we are very excited our employer is proposing to invest in the region. We are so to speak the advance guard.”

“Ah an invasion!”

“Oh yes quite so an invasion from St. Gallen!”

“The worst kind my God!”

“Yes you shall be quite overrun!”

“Ahaha!”

“Ahahahah!”

“Ahahah!”

“Ah.”

“…”

“…”

“Perhaps you might wish to see the school?”

“Oh yes indeed it looks quite perfect on the website—”

“And how many children—”

“Four—”

“Four my God such riches congratulations—”

“O yes we are quite entirely fecund.”

“…”

“…”

“Gosh well yes. Anyway here we are this is the classroom and—oh how pleasing here this is Erna she is teaching here as an interim measure she is quite elevated we are always delighted to have teachers so qualified—”

She is Hans Eiger’s daughter is what. Agent Hannah’s friend.

Evil Hansel’s mother.

Erna is a researcher. She has just divorced a ne’er-do-well husband and is considering her options. In the meantime, of course, she is teaching, because she does not like to be idle.

She is delighted to meet us. She is the more astonished to learn that Doc is a research scientist by training and that she is looking on behalf of a colleague for someone with—well how remarkable—with exactly the kind of experience Erna has herself.

For a post in Sydney.

Six months with the possibility of tenure thereafter. It is all very short notice but it’s a dream job. Erna must consider carefully of course. Take all the time she needs.

So long as it’s less than a week.

—