Their enthusiasm starts to rub off on me. The emperor’s gardens are said to be beautiful beyond compare, but I never thought I’d see them for myself.

Mehtap is still chattering. “You’ll need a dress, of course. You can borrow one of mine. A dark blue one would look lovely with your hair.”

“Are you sure it’s a good idea?” I’m still having trouble believing this.

She lets out an exasperated sigh. “You don’t understand, do you, Zivah? You must go. One of the honored guests at the feast has specifically requested your presence. Father has asked if I could be there, and…” She looks significantly at Dineas, who nods.

“You really must see the gardens, Zivah,” he says. “I couldn’t share the rest of my journeys with you, but this I can. And besides, you’re the closest thing to family I have.”

Warmth spreads through me at his words. I imagine the scent of spring flowers drifting on the wind, and the last of my resistance crumbles. “In that case, I would be honored.”

Chapter Thirty-six

“Don’t come to the equinox festival.” I blurt out those words as soon as my memory returns.

Zivah’s taken aback. To be fair, it hasn’t yet been an hour since I read her the invitation and pleaded for her to come. But that was before she pulled me away for another treatment. Before I remembered who I was and regained my senses.

She speaks slowly, as if addressing a temperamental child. “Why do you say that?”

I don’t want to tell her why. “I think it’s a bad idea. It’ll be a good chance for me to see the emperor’s bodyguards up close, but there’s nothing for you to do. You can make some excuse to stay away.”

“I can’t simply change my mind. It would offend Mehtap, Arxa, and the emperor. It will offend you, once this potion wears off.”

Part of me knows she’s right, but I don’t want to admit it. “There must be a way. Are you really thinking about our mission, or do you just want to spend a night in the gardens?”

A spasm of irritation crosses her face. “What’s wrong with you? I do want to go, but that’s not the point. If you want me to back out of this festival an hour after agreeing to go, you have to give me a reason.”

I grit my teeth. “The reason…” I stop. Breathe. Force myself to spit out the words. “The reason is because I’m falling in love with you.”

And finally, one of us has said it. Zivah’s jaw snaps shut. She knows I’m not declaring my devotion to her. No, my words are an accusation.