I kneel down in the herb patch, partly because I see some weeds that need pulling, and partly to avoid Mehtap’s inquiries. Truth is, the new Dineas does seem to be getting fond of me, but it seems harmless so far. Besides, it’s better for our mission if he comes to visit often.

“You know, some people do fall in love in here,” Mehtap says.

I’m so lost in my own thoughts that it takes me a while to realize Mehtap has spoken. “What do you mean?”

“People fall in love in this compound. They meet here, they’re drawn to each other, and they enjoy what time they have left.” She speaks lightly, but behind her tone is a hollowness that’s painful to hear. I feel that hollow in my own gut, and the old familiar questions come rushing back. Is there a life left for us after the rosemarks? Do we dare for happiness, or is it just asking for more pain? Is it even right to love, when you know you must leave your lover behind?

“Did you have anyone special before you came here?” asks Mehtap.

I dust off my hands. It seems pointless to continue with the weeds. “No, I was too caught up in my studies really. You?”

She shakes her head. “I kissed a general’s son at a festival once. He told funny jokes, and he wasn’t bad looking. But there wasn’t much point in taking anything too seriously, since I would probably have been married off.” She smiles sadly. “You know, I used to be so resentful of that prospect. My father and my mother barely speak, and she had no interest in raising me, even before I was rosemarked. I didn’t want to live my life like that. But now, I would take that opportunity gladly. At least then I would have done some good, made some alliance to help Father, perhaps.”

I’ve heard that well-bred Amparan women like Mehtap don’t have many duties or responsibilities. Their servants take care of everyday considerations, and their husbands and fathers take on the politics. I’d assumed these women would be content to sit back and enjoy life as it passes by, but I suppose everybody wants to feel useful. I feel the same pull, the need to leave a legacy before the disease claims me. I guess in the end, it was stronger than my desire to be with my family. Why else would I be here on this mad quest?

Mehtap tugs at one of her neatly pinned braids. “Why do you think the gods make rose plague this way? Why make a disease that leaves us in this halfway place?”