Yes, what do I want?

I want my memories of her to remain as they were.

There are times when hearing nothing is better than hearing something.

I get up off the bed and walk to the window. A golden glow is shining over the houses.

Normally I’d think this view was amazing. Even romantic. Now all I want to do is open the windows and jump out. Disappear into the dark river and never surface.

Is that how she felt this week?

Is that why she did it?

I open the window and the fresh evening breeze hits my face.

Why didn’t she say something to me?

How many times did they kiss without me knowing?

Tongues wrapped around each other.

His hands in her hair.

The hair I’d run my hands through too.

Why didn’t I notice anything?

Down below, a tour boat goes past, with cheerful music playing.

I look down. It seems much higher than four stories.

Suddenly I picture her earlier this week, standing on a tall building. Maybe she jumped. Is that how she killed herself?

Am I brave enough to do the same?

I put one foot on the windowsill and pull myself up. Crouching there, I look down and judge the distance.

What was she thinking about before she did it? About me or about him?

“Don’t do it,” a voice says behind me. “Please.”

Linnea

“Don’t do it. Please.”

Fender is crouched on the windowsill. When he turns around, he looks at me with haunted eyes.

For a moment, he doesn’t seem to recognize me, but then he says: “I thought I told you I wanted to be alone.”

“So you could commit suicide too?”

My breath is racing. I could tell something was going on. A little voice inside me told me I had to go to Fender. I was halfway down the stairs to meet Kate and Lucas in the bar when I turned around. They’re waiting in the bar now, with no idea what’s going on.

“I’m not committing suicide.” But Fender stays there in the window.

“You’re going to fall.”

“What do you care?”

I ignore his comment.

“I don’t know what exactly was going on between Isolde and Claus, but I think it was mainly him chasing after her.”

“How would you know that?”

“Because I know what it’s like to be stalked.”

Fender’s eyes narrow. I have to be honest with him, even though he might not believe me.

Linnea sees things that aren’t there.