Also by Maren Stoffels

Escape Room

Fright Night

Dedication

For Vimmer, the most beautiful twist in my story

Epigraph

The truth and my lies now

are falling like the rain,

so let the river run

—Eminem

Reservation

It’s almost here.

The date I’ll never forget.

It’s the day they murdered her.

And it’ll be the day

I murder one of them.

Fender

She’s not here.

But what was I expecting? That she’d be waiting for me, here at the harbor? Just because she wrote to me doesn’t mean everything will be the same as it was before.

The letter has been burning inside my pocket all the way here. It was suddenly there on the mat this afternoon, with my name on it, in her handwriting.

I stared at it for a few seconds because I couldn’t believe it was real. But in a few minutes I’ll finally know what it is that she wants to tell me. I really want to read the letter here. In our special place.

I run the last few yards along the jetty.

“Hey! Good evening!”

Startled, I look around. A man is waving at me from a nearby yacht.

I wave back. If she were here now, she’d come up with a name for him. She often made up characters based on complete strangers she saw. She’d think of a name, a profession, and a home life. I always thought she might become a writer when she was older.

The man sails out of the harbor and I’m alone again. I rest my hand on the hard edge of the boat. It’s upside down, propped up on poles, and the space beneath it makes the perfect hiding place. I come here every Friday, even if it’s raining or stormy.

When I’m here, I can pretend, just for a while, that everything is still the same.

I crawl under the boat and take the letter from the inside pocket of my denim jacket. The envelope is a striking gold color. I hold it to my lips and breathe in deeply, hoping to pick up some of her scent.

I recognized her messy handwriting immediately. It’s just as chaotic as her.

The stamp is postmarked with the name of the town where she lives now. I don’t know her exact address. She doesn’t want to be found—certainly not by me.

I think about my friends. If Kate and Lucas knew where I was now, they’d probably freak. They think I practice with the band every Friday evening. They have no idea that the band broke up ages ago. I left last summer, because I couldn’t play anymore. I kept forgetting my solos when we were playing gigs, and my fingers wouldn’t stop shaking.

I only ever use the guitar in my bedroom as something to throw my clothes over now.

My friends don’t have a clue. They’ve both just gotten on with their lives.

Kate was broken at the time, maybe even more than I was. But after the summer break, a miracle occurred.

And that miracle was called Linnea.

Our homeroom teacher sat her next to Kate on the first day of school this year, in the one empty seat.

It was just as if Linnea had come to replace her. A new version, completely intact.

She got Kate to laugh again. I remember hearing that sound again the first day back at school and realizing it had been months since she’d last laughed.

From then on, Linnea was one of us. She came and sat with us at recess, on our bench by the river, and she’ll be there this weekend when Kate celebrates her birthday.

Linnea is everywhere she used to be.

She patched up Kate. Lucas is crazy about her. But she can’t fix me.

I open the envelope and pause for a moment.

What if this letter does even more damage? Maybe it says how much she hates me.

But then I think about the past few months. Hearing nothing from her is still a thousand times worse than hearing something.

The letter is clumsily folded in half. The paper smells of her perfume. The images that the fragrance evokes startle me.

Her body against mine.

Under this boat.

I should have soaked up those moments when I still could.

My hands shaking, I unfold the letter. But as soon as I read the first two sentences, I wish I hadn’t.

There are times when hearing something is worse than hearing nothing.

I never expected to write this, but I can’t go on any longer.

This is my suicide note.

Linnea

“Tomorrow’s the big day.” Lucas is sitting in our usual spot by the river, staring at the opposite bank, where the setting sun is casting a pink glow over the Riverside Hotel.

I never thought I’d go inside that five-star hotel, but Kate is celebrating her birthday there tomorrow.

“Two rooms.” Kate looks at us. “Far away from my dad and the people from his firm.”

Kate’s dad has a business meeting at the Riverside this weekend and managed to score a couple extra rooms for his daughter. There should normally be one adult per room, but no one’s going to check. Besides, Kate’s dad will be around if anything goes wrong.

“Two rooms? Perfect!” Lucas grins. “So I’m sharing with Linnea?”

“You wish.” By now I’m so used to Lucas making remarks like this that I just fire straight back at him. “You snore.”

“Do not!”

“Do too,” says Kate. “Fender says he didn’t sleep a wink at camp because of you.”

“Hey, where is Fender, anyway?”

“Practicing with the band again, of course.” Kate’s face clouds over. I know she doesn’t like it that he doesn’t hang out with us much but, to be honest, it’s fine by me.

The intense way Fender stares at me with those brown eyes—it gives me the shivers. Whenever I have an opinion about something, Fender automatically has to say the opposite. I constantly have to defend myself when he’s around.

Lucas looks back at the opposite bank. “Just as long as he’s there tomorrow, right?”

I lean over the handlebars of my racing bike and speed up. It’s late, but we got to talking about the Riverside and I lost track of the time.

I’m so curious to see inside the fancy five-star hotel, with the huge glass dome above the pool. Apparently you can see the stars through it when you’re swimming on your back.

As I ride my bike past the park, I hesitate for a moment, but it’s by far the shortest route home, so I turn right anyway.

The lampposts shoot past and my bike light swings to and fro.

There’s something eerie about the park in the darkness. The trees tower above, like huge creatures with long arms.

Behind me, I hear a rattling sound coming closer and closer. Another cyclist?

I look back, straight into the bright front light of a dark bike. It’s so big that it’s more like a car’s headlight. Why won’t they just pass me? There’s plenty of room!

I cycle a bit more to the right, but they’re still panting down the back of my neck.

“Go past,” I shout over my shoulder, but there’s no reaction.

I feel my heart pounding. What does this person want from me? Are they some kind of creep?

I should have taken a different route!

I cycle faster, but the distance between us doesn’t increase. In fact, I think it gets smaller.

I lean a bit more forward and go even faster. I’m really quick on my racing bike. I can get to school in just a few minutes.

The rattling behind me is farther away now. I keep pedaling until I think I can’t hear anything.

Cautiously, I look back and then heave a sigh of relief. The bright light is gone. I’ve lost them!

I want to get home as quickly as possible.

But then I see a branch lying in my path. Just in time, I turn left, but I start swerving dangerously. My bike tips and I hit the asphalt with a bang, the handlebar grazing my ribs.

“Ow!” I grab the place where it hurts. For a moment, I lie there, but then I realize that the cyclist could catch up with me at any second. I scramble awkwardly to my feet, clutching my right side.

“Hello?”

Here he comes! What does this maniac want from me? You sometimes read stories about girls who…I’m about to pick my bike up off the ground when he shouts again.

“Linnea?”

How does he know my name? But then I realize who I was running away from.

“Fender?”

A wave of relief washes through me. Why didn’t Fender just say it was him?

Maybe he was trying to scare me on purpose so he can tell everyone this weekend about how fast I tried to escape.

Fender brakes right in front of me and pulls my bike off the ground in one movement.

“What happened?” he asks.

I point at the branch. “I fell.”

“Klutz.”

Well, whose fault was that?

That’s what I want to say to him, but as always I swallow my words. Whenever I’m with Fender, my stomach is full of words.

“What are you doing here?”

“I was just at our bench.”

Fender shakes his head. “Dumb route to take.”

I pretend not to hear him and get onto my bike. My ribs are hurting but I just want to get home as soon as I can.

As we ride our bikes out of the park, there’s an awkward silence. There always is when it’s the two of us. We simply don’t have anything to say to each other. When we have to work in pairs at school, Fender always makes sure to quickly join up with Kate or Lucas before the two of us are left over.

“How did it go tonight?” I say, trying to break the silence.

“What?”

“You were just at your band practice, weren’t you?”

“Oh, yeah. Great.”

“So what kind of stuff are you playing now?”

“Huh?”

What is wrong with Fender? It’s like his mind is somewhere else entirely.

“What are you playing now?” I repeat.

“You wouldn’t know it anyway.”

“How do you know?”

“I just do.”

Arrogant jerk.

I glance over at him. Fender is leaning forward on his bike. A few strands of his long hair have slipped out of his bun and are hanging in front of his eyes. He has two earrings in his right ear. It’s like they forgot his left ear and overcompensated on his right ear instead.

“Hey, are you actually named after the guitars?”

“No. My parents just called me Fender because they liked the meaning.”

“What does it mean?”

“You know, ‘protector.’ Like ‘defender.’ ”

“Yeah, that’s a nice meaning. Linnea means ‘lime tree.’ ”

Why did I say that? Fender stays meaningfully silent, like he really doesn’t care.

It’s just as well he has to go a different way soon, because I don’t want to cycle next to him for even one more minute. It’s like I’m riding my bike next to a complete stranger. The silence between us is worse than ever.

Why is he like that? I’ve never felt this way with Kate and Lucas. Not even when I’d known them just a few days.

The bike path narrows toward the exit, and Fender lets me go ahead. This part of the park is pitch black and I focus on my front light.

“I can hardly see anything.”

“At least you’ve got a light,” I hear from behind me.

It takes a moment to sink in, but then I swing around to look. My bike swerves.

“Hey, be careful! Or I’m going to have to pick you up off the ground again.”

Fender’s sarcastic tone barely gets through to me this time. That big headlight, the one that was just dazzling me, is nowhere to be seen.

Whoever was following me had a different bike.

It wasn’t Fender.

I looked like a crazy person, cycling that close behind her.

What if she’d seen me?

And what was he suddenly doing there?

I wonder if he’s read the letter yet.

I put it in the mail yesterday,

right in time for the weekend.

And did he cry when he read it,

like I did?

Entrance

Linnea

“Hey, missy! You daydreaming?” A man behind me rings his bell impatiently. “The light’s green!”

Startled, I ride off as quickly as I can. My ribs still feel a bit sore after falling off my bike last night.

It took me a long time to get to sleep. The thought of the bike with the big headlight kept me awake.

Who was it? What did they want? And what would have happened if Fender hadn’t come along?

At the last stoplight before the Riverside, I have to wait again. The bike path is busy. There’s a bunch of tourists on rental bikes, all clumped together. When the light turns green, they set off at once. I almost lose my balance as they force me up against the curb.

In a flash, I see a dark-brown bike among the other bikes. It has a big front light, like a car’s headlight.

My body reacts faster than my mind does. It feels as if I’m falling, my heart skipping a beat.

He’s here again.

That’s not possible. Is it?

I look again, but I don’t see him anywhere. The cyclist has vanished into thin air.

“Hey!” Kate squeals excitedly when I get to the Riverside. “You’re the first one here.”

I give her a kiss on the cheek. “Happy birthday.”

I have to forget about the cyclist. I’m probably just mistaken anyway. Why would anyone want to follow me? Besides, this town’s huge. There must be plenty of dark bikes with big headlights like that.

“What are you thinking about, Spinner?”

“Spinner?”

“Yeah,” says Kate. “Your head always seems to be busy spinning yarns.”

I feel my cheeks burning. Should I tell Kate about the cyclist? I take a deep breath, but then Kate’s expression freezes. She’s looking at something behind me, and when I turn around, I see Lucas approaching. He’s carrying an enormous bear.

Kate sighs. “That’s not for me, is it?”

I laugh. “I’m afraid so.”

Lucas always gives such weird gifts. Last winter he gave me a coupon for an all-you-can-eat spare ribs restaurant, even though I’ve been a vegetarian for years.

“Happy birthday!” Lucas holds out the bear to Kate. “So you’re not lonely at night.”

“You shouldn’t have.” Kate makes a face. The bear is almost as big as she is.

“Where’s Fender?”

“He’s on his way.” Kate looks down the street, fiddling nervously with her shirt. Is she really afraid he’s not going to show?

But then I see Fender. As always, he’s wearing a casually unbuttoned shirt with his usual denim jacket on top of it. His face looks gray, like he hasn’t slept for days.

“The gang’s all here!” shouts Lucas.

“Happy birthday,” says Fender, kissing Kate on the cheek. I raise my hand halfway but then let it fall. He completely ignores me, as if I’m made of air.

“Now we can finally head inside!” Lucas puts an arm around Fender, and they walk to the entrance.

Kate slings the bear over her shoulder and hooks her arm through mine.

“Shall we?”

At the entrance to the Riverside, there’s a doorman wearing a top hat and a uniform. I see him glance at the bear, but he keeps a straight face. He swings the door open for us, and we step into the hotel.

Sure, I knew the Riverside would be fancy, but I could never have imagined this.

In the middle of the lobby, a gigantic chandelier is suspended from the high ceiling. There’s a Persian carpet just in front of the stairs, and there are lounge chairs beside a grand piano that’s so shiny I can see all four of us reflected in it. Light fixtures like big torches hang on the columns that support the first floor.

I feel like I just walked onto a movie set. Like I’m playing the lead role in a major production.

I can’t take my eyes off the gold clock above the entrance. It has all kinds of different hands indicating not just the time, but other things too. I recognize a few of the images around the edge of the clock as astrological symbols. I look for my star sign, the one that’s like a V with a loop attached: Capricorn.

Lucas follows my gaze. “Cool, huh?”

“Yeah, totally.”

Behind me I hear Kate telling Fender how many celebrities have played this piano.

“Are you sure you want to share a room with her?” Lucas says with a grin. “I might snore, but she’ll keep you up all night with her chattering.”

“You have a point.” I smile. “I’ll think about it.”

Kate walks over to us with two keys in her hand. They’re the old-fashioned kind, on big keychains. Most hotels use keycards these days, but everything about the Riverside is traditional.

“Got the keys! Are you coming? We need to go to the top floor.”

My stomach flips when Kate walks to the elevator.

“I…I’ll take the stairs,” I say quickly.

“The stairs?” Lucas looks at me in surprise. “Why would you want to do that?”

“It keeps me fit. Anyway, the five of us will never fit inside that elevator.”

“Five?”

“Us and the bear.”

Lucas and Kate laugh, but Fender just raises his eyebrows. His gaze moves away from my eyes and down. The way he looks at me…

I can feel the blood rushing in my ears. Why do I let him get to me like that?

As I walk to the stairs, I glance at the exit. What I really want to do is run outside.

How am I going to survive a whole weekend with Fender?

But he’ll still be here after this weekend too. He’s at school every day, in every class, during every break. As long as I hang out with Kate and Lucas, I’ll get Fender thrown in for free.

When I turn around, Kate gives me a little wave. She looks radiant, as if she’s giving off light.

I can’t leave. She’s so happy we’re all here. I think she really was afraid Fender wouldn’t show.

If I go now, I’ll spoil her birthday weekend, and she doesn’t deserve that. She was there for me on my very first day at school, and now I have to be here for her.

I turn onto the stairs, but then I bump into someone, really hard. It’s so painful that my eyes fill with tears, and I stand there, rubbing my shoulder.

Then I look back, but to my surprise no one’s there. Whoever it was just went on walking.

“I’ll let you do the honors.” Kate hands me our key and steps aside. I can already hear Lucas’s enthusiasm all the way from the boys’ room.

My heart is pounding as I turn the key in the lock. It’s like I’m a kid again and unwrapping a big present.

As the door opens, I actually feel my jaw drop. The room has a golden glow, which almost hurts my eyes. Cream-colored carpet covers the floor, and there are paintings of historical hunting scenes on the walls.

I’m surprised to see a tray on the coffee table with two glasses on it. Beside it is a bottle of champagne in a cooler. The hotel clearly thinks all the rooms will have adult occupants.

There’s even a separate work area with a mahogany desk and two deep leather chairs.

But the most amazing thing about the room is the gigantic four-poster bed, with its silk curtains and dozens of cushions in all shapes and sizes.

When I turn around, I see that Kate isn’t looking at the room. She’s looking at me. Her eyes are gleaming.

“You up for it?”

Before I can ask what she means, Kate runs and jumps onto the bed. The comforter flies up as she lands, and then it slowly descends. Kate lies facedown in one of the pillows and mumbles something unintelligible.

“How was it?”

“This is something you need to experience for yourself, Spinner,” Kate replies. “There are no words to describe it.”

I take a run-up and fly onto the bed, landing next to Kate. My ribs are still painful, but the soft mattress makes everything okay. I sink so deep into it that it feels like I’ll never be able to stand up again. We roll onto our backs and gaze up at the ceiling with its spotlights. It’s like lying under a starry sky.

“I don’t know if I can sleep in here,” I say. “Seems a shame to close your eyes.”

Kate grins. “After we’ve finished that bottle of champagne, you’ll be able to sleep. Oh, and the boys have a bottle too.”

My thoughts immediately return to Fender, and the bad feeling is back again.

“What are you thinking about?” Kate sits up and grabs my hair.

I can feel her braiding my hair behind my back. She’s really skilled and quick.

“I was thinking about Fender,” I blurt out.

“Fender? How come?”

I can’t be honest with her. She’ll never understand.

“You’ve known each other a long time, haven’t you?”

“Our whole lives. Our moms went to mother-to-be yoga classes together,” Kate says with a smile. “That’s why we’re both so zen.”

If there’s one person I know who’s incapable of sitting still, it’s Kate.

“What do you like best about him?”

Maybe I need to hear it from someone else. Maybe then I’ll finally see Fender in a different light.

“The way he’s so musical,” says Kate without having to think about it. “When he’s playing, it’s like nothing else exists for a moment. Fender is so different from Lucas, much more thoughtful. Sometimes you can almost literally hear him thinking. He’s just different from all the other guys I know.”

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