They exchanged vows, and I felt like I was in some altered state of consciousness, watching myself in a nightmare. Suddenly, I noticed a couple of honey bee scouts, buzzing around. Then a few more and a few more. They could only be mine. What were they doing out after dark? I sent them a mental message to go home and not come back here tonight or there’d be hell to pay for them. But I still wished for a disaster to happen; a little one would be fine.

The next thing I knew, the ceremony was over, and Archie gave Sharon a polite kiss. She grabbed the back of his neck and laid one on him that was so French I couldn’t believe my eyes. I mean, gross. There was nervous laughter all over the place and I thought, Good, there’s something he should notice.

They came up the aisle, smiling at everyone, and went inside, I assumed to sign their marriage license. In moments, waiters appeared with trays of champagne-filled flutes, people were talking, and a party had begun. Everyone stepped out of the tent so that the wait staff could rearrange the chairs and add tables for dinner. Archie and Sharon reappeared and were mingling, followed by a photographer.

Leslie suddenly appeared, and we spotted each other.

“I decided to take advantage of the free cocktails,” she said. “How was it?”

“Pretty dismal, from my point of view. I kept wishing someone would call it off.”

Just then, a lone seagull flew over and dropped his visiting card on the back of Sharon’s gown. She didn’t flinch. He was followed by two others who did the same. Leslie and I looked at each other and burst into subdued laughter, the kind where you chewed on the insides of your cheeks until you tasted blood. Then there was a fourth, which made a direct hit on her head, and bird shit was now running down her face. Understandably, Sharon started shrieking. Had the birds joined forces with my bees?

Waiters rushed to her side with napkins and bar towels. When Tyler and Hunter saw what had happened, they fell to the ground, holding their stomachs and laughing like hyenas. I ran to them.

“Hey! Y’all! Come on!” I hissed. “Yes, it’s funny, but only in a terrible, terrible way. But you’re not allowed to laugh like this. It’s very mean!”

Reluctantly, they got up, and I brushed them off.

“You’re no fun, Mith Holly,” Tyler said.

“Yeah,” Hunter said.

“Wait a minute. You boys promised me to have an open heart, remember? We had a deal, and a deal is a deal.”

We looked over to where Sharon was practically getting a bath and saw her crying hysterically.