Holly was right. If Archie married this horror show, they would have to do whatever Sharon told them to do. And if she had children—well, we’ve all read “Cinderella.” It could be a sad situation for the boys. If they gave her too much trouble, they’d wind up at Camden Military Academy, or worse. But in any and all cases, if Archie sealed the deal with her, she’d be able to wield a ridiculous amount of power. According to Holly, Sharon made no effort to endear herself to Archie’s boys. I believed her and wondered why Archie wasn’t thinking about that.

So, how exactly was I to begin? A lot of naughty ideas floated across my mind and I finally settled on one. I’d start with timing, going outside to get the morning newspaper in a flimsy nightgown when Archie was leaving his house. So I stood at the window and watched and waited. At seven fifteen, his door opened, and he stepped onto his porch. I hurried down the steps and saw Holly was way out, deep in the backyard with her hives, cooing with the bees. Then I leaned over to pick up our paper, giving Archie a clear view of an option to Sharon. I know, I hadn’t even met her, but this was war. And remember? All’s fair? Then I stood up and pretended to be embarrassed, as Archie was staring at me like I was naked, which I practically was.

“Hi, there!” I said. “Oh, my goodness! You caught me!”

“Good morning!” he replied with a very wide smile. “No worries! How are you, Leslie?”

“Practically naked! I’ve got to run inside, but I’d love to catch up with you! Been too long!”

“Yes,” he said, and then without hesitating, he called out, “Come for supper!”

“Better yet, I’ll bring it! Wait until you see what I can do to a chicken!”

I couldn’t do diddly-squat with a chicken. I’d enlist Holly’s help.

I ran up the steps and inside, closing the door behind me quietly so Momma wouldn’t hear. God, I was such a bad girl. And I was out of breath. Maybe I’d join a gym or just take up running. I was still in good shape, but I didn’t have the wind I used to have for some reason. Probably pollen. Heaven knows with all the herbs and flowers Holly planted to encourage her bees’ honey production, we had an unbelievable amount of pollen in the air all year long.

Wouldn’t you know it? I got to the kitchen and there sat the queen. She had a horrified look on her face.

“Would you like to tell me why you’re mooning the neighbors? Have you lost your simple mind?”

I swear that woman has eagle eyes in the back of her head and the front.