“And it was great fun. So, tell me what else is happening in Holly World.”

“Just this afternoon, my momma got engaged to an old female impersonator named Suzanne Velour. Looks like she’s going to beat me to the altar.”

“Excuse me? Can you back up just a bit? A female impersonator?”

He started laughing so hard, I thought I might have to call EMS. I laughed with him because on the surface it seemed, well, unimaginable that a crabby old ultraconservative divorcée of a certain age from a place like Sullivan’s Island should wind up married to a female impersonator named Suzanne Velour.

“Yep, isn’t that crazy? But that’s my momma. She’s the queen bee in our hive and she’s going to do as she pleases.”

“It’s out there. And you approve?”

“At first I was like, whoa! But after some consideration and seeing them together? You do know that right in the middle of that whole insanity with Archie’s crazy wife Sharon, we had to take Momma in for surgery? She’s got some kind of liver cancer.”

“No, I’m sorry. I did not know that. Is she all right now?”

“Yes, I think so, until it comes back. Anyway, Suzanne flew in from Las Vegas and never left her side. And she makes Momma so happy. You should hear them laughing.”

“Okay, so there’s a missing piece to this picture. How did your mother come to know a female impersonator from Las Vegas? Some underground version of Match.com?”

“Ah, yes! That little detail. So, remember my sister, Leslie?”

“Sure. She was a pretty girl. She married that guy Charlie and moved to Ohio, right?”

“Correct. But then, after six years of married bliss, Charlie revealed a little secret he’d been keeping from Leslie.”

I unpacked the rest of the story and Ted was stunned.

“You’ve got to be kidding me, right?”

“Yeah, I know it’s a lot to process.”

“Wow,” he said.

“And then there’s me. I keep bees, as you know. I decorate cakes at Publix and I volunteer at the library. And sometimes, when all the stars are aligned, I get to substitute-teach at the Sullivan’s Island Elementary School. I am officially the most boring person in my family.”

“I think I like you just as you are. Don’t change a thing.”

“I won’t, because I don’t think my family needs another ounce of drama.”