“I don’t want to say goodbye again!” I’m screaming, enough spit flying from my mouth that if Ross were here I’m pretty sure it would trigger their transformation. “The person I’ve completely fallen for is leaving. I don’t have to be okay about that! What’s the point of love if it can tear you open like this? First Dominic, now Ross, and nothing I can do can change any of that. I’m over living my life for other people.”

“You can’t control them, Sean,” Kavya says. “I know you have it in your head that anything can be directed to have the outcome you want, but you can’t control what real people choose to do with their own lives. Some shot list isn’t this magical spell that makes things work out exactly how you want. But you can control whether you’re an asshole. Like I should have before I had Bob come down here. Like Ross should have before they got in that tub. And right now, you’re not doing a very good job of controlling your assholery either. Not to me, and not to Ross.

“You really think the best thing to do is act like the last month never happened? Ross can’t control everything that’s happening in their life any more than you can. You don’t think it’s hard for them? If they go back home, that’s what they know in their heart they have to do. They’re sixteen too, Sean. But here you are, feeling sorry for yourself and forcing them to have their last night on land alone. What a shitty way to show them what they meant to you.”

This is why you should never underestimate a person who you think is all jokes. Because sometimes, when the jokes are over, there’s some pretty profound stuff there. She’s right. Ross didn’t ask for this. It’s not like they wanted to come on land and fall in love and be torn between two completely different worlds. They didn’t even want to go on their Journey to begin with. They’re just as much a victim of lousy hands being dealt to them as I am. Of life, or Elders in their case, telling them what they have to do and forcing them to make tough decisions that they didn’t want to have to make in the first place. If somebody told me I only had one month to decide if I wanted to leave the life I’ve known since I was born, I don’t think I could do it either. And instead of accepting that things are out of their control too, I’ve pushed them away. I’m sitting here like an idiot when I could be soaking up the last hours that I get to have with Ross.

“What the fuck am I doing?” I ask.