Coraline’s head snaps back so fast her neck cracks. “Don’t you ever say that.” She doesn’t sound mad, just extremely serious, like the fate of the world depends on what she’s about to say. Like no matter what any of us says from here on out, this is the one thing she needs Kavya to understand most. “I would choose this life over and over and over again. I would always choose your mummy. Without her, I would have never known love and I would never have had you. That sort of life would be . . .” She looks up to the sky, like maybe if she looks hard enough the right word will appear. Instead, she can only shrug while her own tears silently stream down her cheeks. “Unimaginable. Unbearable. I know I get sad. But it has nothing to do with my old life. This is depression, Kavya.”

“Yeah, I don’t need a psych degree to know that,” Kavya says. It’s flippant and frustrated, but Coraline actually laughs. It’s the only reaction to the truth so blatantly laid out in front of her. “But what do you think caused it, Mom? The only time your eyes light up is when you’re talking about your old life. The only thing that makes you get back to normal is coming here, to the ocean.”

“The only thing that calms me down is coming to the ocean with you. The Blue is a part of me, yes, and for nostalgia’s sake I like to see it from time to time. But you’re a bigger part of me. I like sharing my old life with you because I want you to know me like I never got to know any of the Elders back home. It was always service of the greater good before indulging in stories of ourselves. It made me feel so disconnected to everyfin around me. I never want you to feel like you don’t know who I am. And I know sometimes what I’m going through makes it so you can’t know me. Even I can’t describe it all the time; there’s just this inexplicable heaviness that I can’t shake without professional help. But you have to know, this isn’t caused by anyone or any choice, Kavya. This is who I am. And I promise you no matter how I’m feeling, one thing is always, always true: I love you, and I wouldn’t change my choices for the world.”

Kavya buries her face back in her mom’s chest, but the tears this time seem different. Not happy by any means, but full of love, and relief, I think. “I’m here for you for all of it, Mom.”

“And I’m here for you,” Coraline says, “even if it’s hard to see that sometimes.”