“Don’t say goodbye, Tripp, okay.” Doll starts before I have to. Her head is on my chest as she traces my tattoos with her finger. “I know what tomorrow is. I’m well aware this was a fling. Let’s just enjoy the time we have and tomorrow we part as friends.”

Friends, the word cuts deep coming from her. “Doll, I don’t want to hurt you. My life is surrounded in chaos. I’m never home. Hell, I can get a call at noon and be on the road by two, gone for weeks at a time. That’s no way for you to have to live.”

“Hell raisers demanding extreme chaos. That’s what my dad always says about the Hellions. I get it Tripp, okay. Don’t ruin tonight by making this about why we won’t work. I know your lifestyle. I also realize we live five hours apart. Now is not the time for the explanations for something I know and accept. Enjoy what we have while we have it.”

“I’m always here for you, Doll. One call, that’s all it takes. I programmed my number in your regular cell phone that’s now back in your purse. Day or night, you need me, you fuckin’ call.”

“Okay, Tripp.” She whispers as she snuggles closer. Much more and she’ll be sleeping on top of me tonight. “Tripp, we haven’t used condoms. I’m clean and on birth control. Since I don’t know when I will see you again, is there anything I need to worry about.”

I knew she was on birth control, I saw them in her bags, and I’ve never worried about her having anything. “Doll, I’ve never been with anyone else not wrapped. I knew you were on the pill. With you, I can’t seem to hold back and I don’t want to. Nothing between us ever, baby.” I reply, pulling her tighter and hoping to give her the knowledge she’s someone different and special to me.

Not knowing what else to say, I kiss the top of her head and lay back. We lay together lost in our own thoughts for I don’t know how long. She continues tracing my tattoos. When she thinks I’m asleep, I hear her whisper.

“Nothing between us ever, baby.” She pauses, in an even lower whisper, “I love you, Talon.”

I feel the wet warmth of the tears, as they fall on my chest. Remaining still, I let her think I’m asleep. I don’t want to tarnish the memory, the moment of hearing her say she loves me. If she knows I’m awake, she’ll try to back track. Saying goodbye is hard enough. Having her try to take back those words would kill me inside.

31

Home Sweet Home

Waking up, my eyes are puffy from crying into Tripp’s chest last night after he fell asleep. As I move around, I realize Tripp’s already out of bed. Guess I need to get used to waking up alone. It’s time to put my big girl panties on. He never promised me anything. By dinnertime, I’ll be back on the compound. Sass and I decided we didn’t want to live in the condo anymore, after the camera thing. We’re staying in one of the duplexes until we decide where we want to move next.