What a funny place to write a note, she thought, picking it up and scanning down through the words. The writing was familiar, swirly and feminine, and it took a moment for her to understand exactly what she was reading. And then she realised, this note was definitely only meant to be read by Eddie.

8

L‌iv walked into the soft snowfall, tears racing down her cheeks. She was so cold, but still she dragged her heels, drawing out the journey back to the farmhouse for as long as possible. She was distraught. There was no other way of putting it. She had been so convinced that Eddie would propose. She’d been certain of it when she saw that ring in his workshop. And then, she wondered if she might have imagined it. These last few weeks, because they were short-staffed at the hospital, she’d taken on extra shifts. She was tired, agitated and, yes, maybe a bit stressed with the workload and having to organise everything for herself and Eddie and then the spectre of Barbara Quirke for Christmas.

For as long as Liv could remember, her biggest ambition had always been to be a wife and mother. It was old-fashioned and not the sort of thing she would admit to everyone, but it was the truth. She wanted to have a happy home, a big chaotic house, with home-made jam and long weekend family walks in the countryside. She wanted children, four at least and a dog, a great big daft thing that would almost jump out of its skin with excitement at the sight of her each morning. There was nothing wrong with that was there? It seemed like a simple enough aspiration; it was hardly up there with being president or Miss World. And yet it seemed just beyond her grasp.

Sometimes, she thought her life would never move on to the next stage and that made her feel completely depressed. It wasn’t that she didn’t value what she had. Liv knew she was lucky – she had her own flat, a job she loved and a family she treasured. She had Eddie. Now, that final thought made her heart sink like a stone. Yes. She had Eddie. She took a deep breath, stood stock-still; her face and her hair were damp now with the gentle snowflakes blowing towards her. She had to stop thinking like this; she knew it was dangerous territory. She had to remind herself how lucky she was to have him; after all, surely being with Eddie was better than being on her own?

She started to walk again, making excuses in her mind for the mix-up she’d made in thinking that tonight was the night he would propose to her. She was just tired and stressed, shattered from the last few weeks, weary from life in general. That sort of exhaustion, well it did things to you, didn’t it?