‘Would you? That’s so kind of you,’ Estelle said softly and then she was gone, back to her seat by his side, and Liv watched a little enviously as she placed her hand over his and whispered something to him that no-one else was meant to hear. And then, Liv thought of M – and everything about the scene before her was somehow turned inside out. She shook her head, walking towards the stairwell. Perhaps she was lucky; at least her life was straightforward, wasn’t it?

*

Her dad wouldn’t say it, but she knew he was disappointed she wouldn’t be home for Christmas dinner. ‘Ara, sure – isn’t it all part of the vocation?’ he said when she called. ‘You just mind yourself and don’t be killing yourself. I know that you’ll come back to us as soon as you can.’ And she imagined him, standing over a shed full of newborn lambs, her favourite part of living on a farm. ‘We can have our own Christmas when you do come home.’

‘It’ll be a bit strange, the three of you there with Eddie and Barbara. I’m really sorry for having organised it and now…’

‘Oh, don’t be worrying yourself. Isn’t it only penance for the next world? Won’t we be shoo-ins for sainthood if we can get through it all without you?’ he said, laughing.

Liv tried ringing Eddie next. Still no answer and she began to wonder if he was mad at her for staying on in Dublin. He was so different to Pete. Last night, she’d had to convince Pete not to stay in Dublin with her. Eventually, he drove home and texted her earlier with a photograph of Ballycove church with a white dusting of snow around the steeple. Damn it anyway, Eddie never really understood what it was like; she really didn’t have a choice – well perhaps she did. She wasn’t sure she could fathom exactly why she’d stayed, except some part of her felt she needed to take care of Finn O’Connell, which of course she knew was silly. He’d be well looked after even if he turned out to be the devil incarnate.

She rolled her eyes. She should be at home getting proposed to, brewing up plans for an autumn wedding, admiring that sparkling ring on her finger. Well, she couldn’t think about that now, it would only edge her deeper into loneliness for what she was missing out on in Ballycove. Perhaps, Eddie would propose in the New Year instead – that could be every bit as romantic, she told herself. In a strange way, that felt like a lifetime away now.

5