I picked up the cards and shuffled. Even if I did believe in any of this, what would I ask? Would things work out with Stew? What did my career hold in store? Would Terry’s Chocolate Oranges still be a pound each in the supermarket when I got back, or should I have bought them when I saw them on offer last week?

Ethel snapped her fingers and we both jumped.

‘Cut the cards,’ she directed.

I couldn’t tell if it was the spooky atmosphere, the stomach full of cheese, or sitting so close to Evan that I could feel his arm brushing against mine, but when I laid my three cards down on the table, my hands were trembling. Even though I tried to keep my mind blank, my questions about work and Stew kept tumbling over each other, trying to fight their way to the front.

‘First card,’ she said, turning it over to show a man in armour, brandishing his weapon. ‘The Knight of Swords.’

‘What does that mean?’ I asked, rubbing at the finger where my mother’s ring should have been.

‘It tells me you are ambitious,’ she replied without emotion. ‘You have been very goal-oriented, very driven to succeed in whatever you do.’

So, the powers that be had decided work beat romance for me. Interesting.

‘I wouldn’t say that’s in the past,’ I said. ‘I am those things.’

‘Oh my god, maybe you are a serial killer,’ Evan muttered.

‘Shut up,’ I replied.

‘Or what?’

‘Well, if I’m a serial killer, I’d have thought that was quite obvious,’ I said, turning back to the cards. ‘What now?’

‘Let’s see what you drew for your present,’ Ethel said, and the glowing orbs shifted from gold to silver, casting the entire room in an ethereal light.

‘Another knight?’ I asked, turning over the centre card.

‘The Knight of Pentacles.’ She held up her hand and paused for maximum effect. ‘Reversed.’

Rolling my eyes, I nudged Evan in the ribs as he began to shake with silent laughter. ‘And why do I get the feeling reversed isn’t a good thing?’

‘Most of us prefer to be in forward motion,’ she explained. ‘The reversed Knight of Pentacles is not a friendly card when paired with the Knight of Swords. You have the self-discipline to succeed but you’re bored or perhaps you’re stuck in a routine that does not inspire you, and continuing on this path, well, shall we turn over the third card and see if it will tell us what you do next?’

‘We don’t need to see the third card,’ I said, standing abruptly and banging my head on one of the hanging lights. It shifted from silver to indigo, making the entire room look like the big purple one in a box of Quality Street. ‘I think I’m going to go.’