Babes? He was lucky I didn’t kick his balls off his body right then and there.

‘If she hadn’t decided she was too good to show up tonight, whoever leaked these photos might have thought twice about it,’ declared another man in the group; this one had his hair slicked and his dead eyes were almost completely black. ‘And everyone knows, only sluts send nudes.’

My entire being pulsated with white-hot rage.

Before I could second-guess myself, I grabbed the offending phone out of Andrew’s hand and, for the second time in as many days, launched a very expensive piece of technology into the sea.

‘What did you just do?’ Andy screeched at the top of his surprisingly high voice. ‘That’s my fucking phone!’

‘I’m getting good at that,’ I whispered, panting slightly as I leaned over the edge to see if there was any trace of the offending article, but there was absolutely, positively, nothing. Just pitch-black peace.

‘Who the fuck do you think you are?’ Froggy exploded as the others began to make similar angry noises. ‘You can’t just chuck someone else’s phone off a balcony.’

As the red mist cleared from my eyes, I realized I was alone on the terrace of a hotel, surrounded by five furious men.

‘Who is she anyway?’ the one with the dead eyes asked the others. ‘I’ve never seen her before.’

‘Not this again,’ I groaned. Being rich must be a lot like coming from a small town. Everyone knew everyone and outsiders are not looked upon kindly. ‘Look, I’m sorry I threw your phone into the sea just like I’m sure you’re sorry you had those photos in the first place.’

‘I think you should go and find Andrew’s phone for him,’ Dead Eyes said, suddenly overtaken with an eerie calm. I blinked at the placid fury on his face.

‘But Andrew’s phone is down there,’ I said, pointing over the edge of the terrace.

‘Precisely,’ growled Frog Face.

They began to crowd around me, glowering with neutered menace as they approached. I could see the newspaper report in my head, ‘Sheffield Woman Found Dead at Charity Do. Local police confirmed Fran Cooper, 32, was wearing trainers with a ballgown and someone else’s pants. Related story here, Cooper’s grandmother rolls over in grave.’

‘Come on,’ I protested as the world’s worst Reservoir Dogs tribute act inched towards me, each daring the other to go a little bit further with every step. ‘You’re hardly going to throw me off the terrace, in front of hundreds of witnesses?’

But as they all exchanged questioning glances, it did seem as though that was exactly their plan.