And yet, standing in front of Lorne, having him touch me like that, all I could think was that this was too much and that there was something I was forgetting. Something I wasn’t understanding. And if I could just remember it, then maybe I wouldn’t feel so lost anymore.

But I couldn’t deny that Lorne felt familiar. I trusted him. It was different—more than the usual click I got—and I didn’t think that was all because of the added attraction I felt for him. I wanted him like I’d wanted nothing else in the world. The kind of desire that made me feel like I was spinning out of control in zero gravity.

I leaned my head back against the wall and realized that there were giant pieces in my mind that were missing because of what my mother did. She’d never lied to me. I knew what was done—I’d agreed to it—but until that moment, having my mind wiped never bothered me.

It more than bothered me now.

From the way Lorne was reacting to me and the things he was saying and from the color of his eyes…

That color. I’d never seen the exact shade in someone’s eyes before. It couldn’t be a coincidence. Not when I’d also seen his face when I was in cryo and running on the treadmill and—if I was honest with myself—I was pretty sure I’d been dreaming of him off and on for years.

They were the kind of dreams that left me wishing I could fall back asleep, but I never could, and I never remembered what they were about. No matter how long I lay in my bed with my eyes closed, they would slip through my fingers, like trying to grasp fog. I’d spend the rest of the day homesick for the ghosts of my dreams.

As I sat there, trying to figure out what to do next, all I could feel was lost. Because they hadn’t been dreams. They were memories.

“Damn it, Mom. What did you do?”

Chapter Thirty-Nine

After my small freak-out, I went back to the table and shoveled food into my mouth as fast as I could. I was still feeling weak and a little woozy, but I figured eating had to help. A nap would be better, but I didn’t have time for that. Not yet. We were still way too close to SpaceTech. I wasn’t going to be able to relax enough to sleep until we were far, far away from here.

Once I was done, it didn’t take me long to find Lorne. All I had to do was follow the yelling to its source.

I wasn’t sure if the doors were locked, but I pressed my hand to the center like Lorne had at all the other doors, and it slid open.