I couldn’t sit still anymore. I got up from my chair and paced to the wall. I needed to think. I just needed a second. I leaned against the cold stone wall, hoping to find the right words to have it all make sense to Lorne, but I wasn’t sure it would ever make sense to him. Maybe none of what I went through mattered, and that was a truly depressing thought. If it all could’ve been avoided so easily like he said, then I had nothing left to say.

When I turned around, I was a little calmer and a lot more resigned to the situation. “We made the best choices that we could make at the time. If anyone died because I wouldn’t take the risk? Because I was too scared to go to Abaddon and wait until Declan got here to quietly take me away?” I shook my head. “I couldn’t do that. I’m not worth that.”

“Yes, you are.” His chair scratched against the floor as he got up. “You’re worth everything.”

“No. I’m not better than anyone else.”

He came toward me, backing me into the wall. I didn’t consider myself a short person, but as he approached, I felt small. He was easily pushing seven feet tall, and that lean muscle held power under it.

I swallowed as I tried to push down the attraction and need I felt for him. It was too much—enough to consume me—and I wouldn’t be consumed. Not by anything.

He cupped the side of my neck, running his thumb across my racing pulse point. “You are everything to me.”

My mouth grew dry, and my heart was pounding. “Why?” I couldn’t assume anything about what I thought he meant. I had to know for sure.

There was a bell sound, and Lorne frowned as he stepped back from me. “That’s Declan.”

The distraction couldn’t have been better timed. It gave me a chance to get myself together. “Good. Let’s find out what to do now. Getting upset over the past won’t help us right now.”

“This is far from over.” He gave me a nod. “You stay and eat. I’ll talk to Declan.”

I didn’t breathe until he was gone. I slid down the wall to sit on the ground as soon as the door closed.

This wasn’t going to be easy. None of it was going to be easy. I felt lost and unsure of myself. I’d never felt that way, even when I was using fake names and hiding from SpaceTech. I wasn’t sure if my short time on Abaddon had broken me or if I would’ve always felt so turned around when I found my way back to the Aunare.