‘Helen cornered me upstairs, by the bathroom. Her shirt was all undone. I was really embarrassed. She’s got it bad, Rose. I think she’s a bit obsessed with me. I think –’ he paused again –’I think she’s started stalking me.’

I looked into his woebegone face and I began to laugh. I laughed until it actually hurt my sides.

‘Why’s that so funny?’ he said, all hurt. ‘I’m not that hideous, am I?’

‘No, of course not,’ I said, wiping the tears from my eyes. I didn’t know whether to believe him and frankly I was beyond caring. ‘I can just picture her trying it on, that’s all. I bet she wears beautifully matched underwear.’

‘I wouldn’t know.’ He looked uncomfortable. ‘She didn’t get that far. Thank God.’

‘And what did you say?’

‘I said thank you very much but, you know, I was happily married, et cetera.’

But he looked away when he said the last part. I began to gather the cereal boxes.

‘Shall we go and play snowballs?’ I said to Effie.

James stood and stretched.

‘Now I’ve got that off my chest, I’ve made a decision,’ my husband said. ‘It’s time for a party.’

‘A party?’ I repeated dully. Never had I felt less like celebrating.

‘Liam and I need to announce our latest endeavours to the world. And we deserve one. Too much doom and gloom in the world right now. But things are on the up for us now, my petals.’

‘I’m surprised you want to do anything with Liam right now,’ I muttered. I’d tried to ring him a few times this morning myself to demand an explanation, but his phone kept going to voicemail.

‘Well, he made a mistake,’ James said, ‘but he knows that now. He won’t do it again.’

‘Can we have balloons, Daddy?’ Effie asked, her tongue curled up onto her upper lip as she concentrated on adding eyes to her snowman’s face. ‘And cake and party bags?’

‘You, my darling,’ James swept her up into his arms, tickling her until she giggled helplessly, ‘can have whatever you so desire.’

‘Can I? Can I?’ Freddie hopped up and down. ‘Can I have a Batman mask and a Harry-potomus and a – and a …’ he couldn’t think of anything else he wanted, ‘ … another Batman mask?’

I looked out at the snow and I felt like my heart was cracking.

* * *