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Back Never Look Back Save as PDF
Chapters (51)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. One
  4. Two
  5. Three
  6. Four
  7. Five
  8. Six
  9. Seven
  10. Eight
  11. Nine
  12. Ten
  13. Eleven
  14. Twelve
  15. Thirteen
  16. Fourteen
  17. Fifteen
  18. Sixteen
  19. Seventeen
  20. Eighteen
  21. Nineteen
  22. Twenty
  23. Twenty-One
  24. Twenty-Two
  25. Twenty-Three
  26. Twenty-Four
  27. Twenty-Five
  28. Twenty-Six
  29. Twenty-Seven
  30. Twenty-Eight
  31. Twenty-Nine
  32. Thirty
  33. Thirty-One
  34. Thirty-Two
  35. Thirty-Three
  36. Thirty-Four
  37. Thirty-Five
  38. Thirty-Six
  39. Thirty-Seven
  40. Thirty-Eight
  41. Thirty-Nine
  42. Forty
  43. Forty-One
  44. Forty-Two
  45. Forty-Three
  46. Acknowledgments
  47. P.S. Insights, Interviews & More . . .*
  48. About the Author
  49. About the Book
  50. Also by Alison Gaylin
  51. About the Publisher

The good news is, he got us a room with twin beds. He said he doesn’t want to make me do anything I’m not ready to do. “You’re lucky. I’m not like other guys. I care about your feelings.” This is what he tells me, this boy who wouldn’t let me break up with him, who killed the only father I ever knew and made me shoot him too. Who sleeps with a gun to make sure I don’t get away. Who won’t even let me buy a fucking magazine!!! Sorry for swearing, but come on, Aurora Grace. My feelings. Sure.

Last night, when G was sleeping, I got the knife out of my bag and I stood over his bed for so long I got light-headed. I kept telling myself it’s like opening a door. Just push it and you can be free. The police will understand.

But I couldn’t do it.

It wasn’t that I was scared. It was something he had said to me, as he was falling asleep. “If you’re good, I’ll let you talk to Jenny tomorrow.” It’s 7:00 A.M. He’s still asleep. When he wakes up, I will remind him.

Love,

Your Future Mom

June 13, 1976

11:30 A.M.

Dear Aurora Grace,

I spoke to your aunt Jenny! Gabriel took me to a pay phone and called the people who are keeping her. He put me on the phone with her, and she didn’t say anything but I could hear her breathing. I know the sound. Back home, I shared a room with her and sometimes, to get to sleep, I’d listen to the way she’d take the air in through her lips and push it out so fast, like she’d changed her mind and wanted it out of her as soon as possible. Shallow, baby breathing. I always wondered how any of it had time to reach her little lungs.

Sweet Jenny. I miss her so much. Talking to her on the phone, I told her I loved her, and I told her not to be afraid. “See you soon, kid,” I said, like it was no big deal and she was silly to be scared. She didn’t say anything, but I could tell she understood me.

When I hung up with Jenny, I felt a little better about everything. Even Gabriel. He’s been telling me how sorry he is for “all the stuff.” That’s what he calls it. He tells me how he let his passion for me get the best of him, and that he’ll make it up to me by becoming a better person after we’ve escaped. How he’ll be the best man he can possibly be, so that he can be deserving of my love.