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Back Nanny Dearest Save as PDF
Chapters (47)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Dedication
  4. PROLOGUE
  5. Part One
  6. 1
  7. 2
  8. 3
  9. 4
  10. 5
  11. 6
  12. 7
  13. 8
  14. 9
  15. 10
  16. 11
  17. 12
  18. 13
  19. Part Two
  20. 14
  21. 15
  22. 16
  23. 17
  24. 18
  25. 19
  26. 20
  27. 21
  28. 22
  29. 23
  30. 24
  31. 25
  32. 26
  33. 27
  34. 28
  35. 29
  36. Part Three
  37. 30
  38. 31
  39. 32
  40. 33
  41. 34
  42. 35
  43. 36
  44. 37
  45. 38
  46. 39
  47. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I grab Anneliese by the hand and pull her up, almost falling backward into the table next to me. I giggle an apology, and then we’re in the middle of the dance floor, and there is sweat pooling in my bra cups, and Anneliese has her eyes closed, and she’s swaying, she’s smiling, and I take her in my arms, and we’re one body moving across the floor. She holds my hands tight as we spin, as the disco ball’s lights dance atop our heads.

She looks so beautiful that I want to snuggle into her neck, wrap my arms around it and hang there like a baby. We don’t let go of each other all night, even when a tall silver-haired man tries to cut in. We are one entity, feeding off each other’s moves, somehow knowing how and when the other person will step. The bar glows silver and then gold, until I realize my eyes are closed, that I’m looking at the fireworks behind my eyelids. When I open them, she is cupping my cheeks, her eyes brimming with joy almost liquid, loving me. The interstices of my bones.

The rest of the night fades into stops and starts, dazzling light and Anneliese’s arms, soft and warm, holding me so I don’t fall. I am hovering over a toilet bowl, with her hands pushing my hair back, touching the knobs of my spine as I keel over and throw up.

Next, I am naked in the cool covers of her bed, the comforter cocooning my lower body. There is a damp washcloth on my face, and I smile sleepily as she wipes my face, my neck. I open my eyes, slits, the world still wobbling on its axis, and she is smiling at me, showing teeth, the front two overlapping, and she is whispering something but I can’t hear what, so I try to sit up, to put my ear up to her mouth, but she gently pats me back down. And I close my eyes again, lulled by her voice, its reverberations shimmering against my temples. Oh honey. I’m not going anywhere.

Then the washcloth is replaced by the lightest touch, her lips pressed against my forehead, and I fall under, embryonic, into the dark comfort of sleep not unlike a womb.

Part Two

PART TWO

14

August 1996

On Suzy’s first day of school, Annie wakes in darkness. Outside, the moon glows a Cheshire cat smile, and Annie grimaces right back. She lies there, bathed in the shadows, stretching her toes, practicing the grin she will give Suzy when Mrs. Keller takes her by the hand and they leave the house at 8:30 a.m. Mrs. Keller has taken the day off work. “The kid may have some separation issues,” she told Annie yesterday.