“Well, he had no right to try to make you see someone. He should have minded his business. You were just reacting,” Anneliese says.

“I mean, it was a pretty shitty thing to say.” I turn, one cheek still on the pillow. I know I’ll have red creases on my face when I stand.

“Yes, but your father had just died. Anyone else would have understood.” I nod. Beth had told me I was a cunt when I’d relayed the same interaction to her. It feels good to be validated. Though I’m unsure if I agree with Anneliese. But maybe that’s the champagne. Things are becoming foggy, and I stand up to make sure I’m steady.

“People limit soul mates to romantic love. But I think a soul mate can be anyone. Or even anything,” Anneliese says, propping herself up with the pillow I left behind. She seems so much more lucid than I do, and I suddenly feel embarrassed. I want to get out of there, get some fresh air.

“Let’s go out to a bar!” I exclaim. “When was the last time you went out to a bar?”

Anneliese shakes her head sheepishly. “I can’t do that! I’m too old. And what would I wear?” But she’s already getting up and going to the closet.

“You don’t look a day over thirty, I promise. And I’m in painting clothes anyway! You can wear whatever.”

And soon we’re outside, arms linked, looking for the bar with the best music filtering through the cracks in the door. We find one playing nineties hits. It has a deejay and a dance floor and only a small smattering of people since it’s so early. Above us, a disco ball twinkles. Anneliese ensconces herself at a corner table, and I go to get us drinks, maneuvering my way within the bartender’s line of sight. I almost spill them as I head back to our table.

“This is gooood,” I say as I slurp up my tequila sunrise. Anneliese takes a tiny sip of hers, and I want to grab the drink from her and chug it. I hear myself getting shrill, the corners of the room shrinking. But it feels so good, to be this loose-lipped, to feel my gooey mouth turn up without even trying to smile. The table is sticky with condensation, and I have to squint to read the bar’s logo on the coasters. Suddenly a Spice Girls song comes on and I want to dance.