He tore me down and made me put myself back together. I’m so much stronger than I was when I left L.A. But this is still going to destroy my heart—a heart that’s been jerked around, kicked, punched, and dismissed so many times, I’m not sure it even remembers how to beat.

I close my bag and hike my purse onto my shoulder. Jake turns. My entire body tingles with pain. He reaches for my bag, but I pull it just out of his reach.

“Don’t …” My throat constricts, strangling my words. Maybe it’s my body’s way of saving face, if that’s even still possible. Maybe we’ve come full circle. He hated me when we left Milwaukee. I’ve gone from a bitch to a whore.

Funny, I just wanted to be the smile on his face. The object of his affection. I wanted to be the part of his life that felt utterly undefinable yet completely impossible to live without.

We don’t always get what we want.

“Avery?” Sydney’s voice from the other room brings me out of this suspended moment.

I angle my body to squeeze by Jake without touching him.

Chapter Twenty-One

“Ave—” Sydney gives me a tiny frown.

I stop her with a sharp headshake. We can’t talk about Jake just like we can’t talk about Swarley or all the other painful moments we’ve survived.

Her frown deepens. It’s been her job to put her little sister back together. That’s the motherly role she took on after our mom died. I don’t want her to feel bad for me. I don’t want her to fix me when she’s broken.

I just … I just want to go home.

I take three slow breaths, and I follow her out the door, into her vehicle, and we make our way to the clinic under a cloud of unspoken words.

“Tell me.” Sydney puts the vehicle into park and shuts off the engine in the clinic parking lot. “When I get home, my kids are going to need me. And you’re hurting right now, and I know it’s more than Swarley. I don’t want you to feel alone when I’m pulled in another direction. So … before I do one of the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, just tell me. Let me be here for you even if it’s just for the next few minutes until we walk into the clinic.”

My face contorts into a silent ugly cry, and I hold my breath until I just can’t hold it anymore.

“Ave … oh, Avery …” Sydney unfastens her seat belt and leans over the console to hug me.