Avery sits up, fiddling with her hair again. “I’m not bathing in the creek.”

“Then you can grab a shower at the next stop. Campgrounds with facilities.”

“Pee! I need to pee, Jake! Why do you make me spell everything out for you?”

“Oh …” I hold up a finger and retrieve a gift for her from my plastic container.

“What the hell is this?” She frowns as I hand her the gift.

“It’s a feminine urination device. You can use it to stand up and piss. Basically, it’s a portable penis.”

She pulls it out of the tube and looks at the directions. “Huh … looks pretty simple.”

I nod with pride.

She grabs her pink silk robe and slides her feet into heeled slippers with feathers on the top. In all fairness, when she packed for her trip to visit her dad, she probably never expected to be sleeping in a tent, but seriously … heeled slippers?

Brushing by me, she sniffs. “You smell good, like soapy good.”

“I used liquid Castile soap in the creek.”

“I’m not bathing in that creek. There’s no way to get clean in dirty water.”

I shrug. “Well, you sure think I smell clean.”

“Humph.” Avery takes off to find a spot behind a tree to pee.

After a few expletives, she returns, flicking the funneled device at me. I let it fall to the ground since it’s covered in urine, just like her inner thighs and silk robe.

“I’ve got pee all over myself and THERE’S NO SHOWER!”

I bite back my smile as she marches over to the creek. “Wanna use my soap?”

“Yes, get the fucking soap and throw that stupid practical joke in the trash. Clearly a cruel man invented that.”

After she simmers off in the creek and dresses to the nines again for the second day of our trip, I load up the pickup while she pouts in the front seat, messing with her tangled and ratted hair.

“I need a shower so bad …” she says for the hundredth time. “I’m disintegrating from the outside in.”

“Taking off?”

I glance up and cringe as my friend, Addy, walks our way from the house.

“You forgot your razor.” She holds up her hand with my razor.

“What the fuck?” Avery whispers, kicking open her door the rest of the way.

“Oh.” Addy’s gaze flits from me to Avery. “You have a guest?” She holds out her hand to Avery. “I’m Addy. Jake didn’t mention you were with him. Did you need to shower inside too?”

My balls crawl up into my body for protection as Avery slowly turns toward me.

Chapter Seven

Avery plots my long, torturous death with one single look before returning her attention to Addy. “I’m Avery and I would love a shower. I would be forever in your debt for a shower. I’m certain I would sell my soul for a shower.”