“You don’t know that.”

“This isn’t like normal death,” Ayanna said. She clapped her hands together. “You could literally pop. Think about how painful that must be.”

“Why are you here?” Her mother finally turned and looked at her. Opal, Olivia, Ayanna all had the same big, sad-looking eyes. “You got lucky the first time. This is tempting fate.”

Ayanna opened her mouth. Shut it. She was unsure of how much longer she could do this. For years, her mother had texted her on and off, blaming Ayanna for Olivia’s death. And now this?

Felix once had said to Ayanna, “Forgiving isn’t the same as love. You don’t have to do either with your parents unless it will make you feel better.” They had been driving home after a long weekend with his parents. On the last morning, his parents had woken up early and made green-garlic omelets because they knew it was one of Ayanna’s favorite breakfasts. They hugged her like they meant it. Ayanna wanted them to feel like family but, every time, their kindness and grace made her think about all the things she wanted to yell at both her parents.

“I want to want to forgive them,” she’d said, then leaned her head against the passenger window. Felix had taken her hand and said after a minute of silence, “Let’s go buy some fries.” I’m loved, she thought. I learned how to do it again.

There was a rumble. Ayanna could no longer feel or hear music. Opal looked up at the sky. The door slammed shut. Closed, it was more beautiful than Ayanna remembered. So bright. It was like coming down from a hill and seeing Lake Michigan in June. It always was a shock, the richness of it against the pale sand, the neon-and-white-striped beach towels people liked to use. Strange, too, to see the door again and despite everything feel no fear. It was like returning to an old friend. She wanted to tell it everything that had happened to her in the past years, to let it know her. If her mother had not been there, Ayanna knew she wouldn’t have been able to resist kneeling in the dirt, muttering all these things to it.