Behind them an older couple was holding hands and speaking in a language Ayanna could not identify. There was a little girl in a sparkly dress trying to escape from her parents every time they tried to take a bite to eat. The restaurant was playing soft yet tedious jazz. Ayanna was trying to figure out if this was about Jane’s parenting anxieties in some way that should be addressed or if it was mostly her thinking about the world. A spirit swirling in a shape between dog-tree-old-man was peering over an older man’s shoulder as he did the crossword.

“Anyway, as you can guess, that was not a popular take to have on the internet. So, last night at four a.m., I started drawing this insane diagram of what I thought were important social freedoms that valued human life and what were ones that only valued death and/or money.” Jane, reading the look on Ayanna’s face, waved a hand. “I threw it in the trash in the morning. Although some were really good. I felt like if I kept it, it would be something I would have to take to my therapist. And I think I’m still burnt out from IVF. And how few people seemed to get how hard it was. And I’m still mad about how scared I get.”

Ayanna reached across the table, squeezed Jane’s hand. “I love you. You should’ve sent me your nuts diagram.”

Jane smiling at her from across a restaurant table was one of her favorite homes.

“We should live in the same city. I should come over sometimes just to like watch TV and then do the dishes.” Ayanna took a sip of water. “We should have bought a huge house for us all to live in together.”

“You should move,” Jane said. “I’m watching this dating show right now that is all about the worst queer people in the world trying to date one another and CeCe can’t handle it. I can’t believe I married a woman who hates mess. All she does is shake her head whenever I put it on.”

“Felix wants to get married.”

“Why wouldn’t he? You’re incredible. You’re hot, smart, and interesting. And you’ve been together for a million years.” Jane pushed the menu away from her. “But you don’t have to marry him. You know he’ll stay with you no matter what.”

“I want to be able to compromise. There are so many good reasons to get married. Taxes, health care, hospital visits. It’s so practical. And yet.”

“You love him, though.”

“This is going to feel very sad-girl, so I’m going to apologize in advance, okay? But he gives my life gravity. I don’t mean like he’s the center of everything. But he’s this quiet force in my life that keeps me feeling like me.”