She knew her great-grandmother had posited the same thing. Ayanna’s father had said it was just a theory and there was nothing wrong with theorizing. But Ayanna felt like it was a sin in its own way to use something inexplicable as a way to judge others. It was a family shame.

“My sister is the best person I have ever known.” Tears—angry, small, seeking to further infuriate her—were dripping down her cheeks. “The universe did not punish her. She was good and kind and—” Ayanna cut herself off for a moment because what her mouth wanted to say was, “a universe where someone like you can even remotely think he is better than her is disgusting and cruel and I don’t want to be in it. You are a grifter. I don’t want to live in a universe that would ever think I am better than her.” And she cried harder, because speaking had made Ayanna acknowledge it again: Olivia is dead. She is not coming back.

“I didn’t mean to offend you. It’s just what I think.” Finally, he seemed like a person. “I didn’t know about your sister.”

“How many people have you cured? How do you keep track? Why are you the only person to have gone through and come back that can suddenly heal people? Why is your mom the only person to ever be found in the doors and brought back?”

“I’m sure,” he said, “if you’re here, there’s something different about you now.”

“All experiences change people.” Ayanna took her napkin, dabbed at her eyes. She remembered the mascara, gingerly brushed on in a moment of self-doubt, and now there were thin teary lines of it streaked on her cheeks and nose.

“Tell me about the time you went through,” Matthias said.

“We’re here to talk about you.”

“When I look at you,” he said, “I can see how much it hurt you.”

“Okay,” Ayanna said.

“In my church, we knew God had sent the doors to find those who most belonged in heaven or who could bring people closer to it. If you died in the journey, that was also his kindness. He didn’t want you to suffer and be tormented in hell. It was a blessing. We’re already living in the end of the world. We actually had an afterlife. My mother returned to this world because she is good and kind and how a woman should be.”