“Because I was a grade below you,” I say. “I remember when you came out. It was all over the school.”

And Devin blushes, which is probably fair since I just put him on the spot like that. He turns his face away from me, but since he’s wiping down a mirror, it doesn’t do much. “Yeah, I—it was a mistake.”

“A mistake?”

“I mean, I thought I was a girl back then, and I guess a part of me thought that if I came out, things would be easier. Instead, I just got bullied to shit, and now I don’t even really know what I am, you know?”

I shake my head because hearing him say it was a mistake makes me inexplicably angry. I mean, I never really knew him at school, but the story of the one trans girl brave enough to actually live her truth at St. Francis? That shit kept me going. It was the reason I had the courage to look into transness in the first place. It was the reason I stayed up for hours, finding the right words, looking into transitioning. It was the reason I finally had the confidence to tell Becca and Brian who I really am, to make the Diary. It’s why Noah exists at all.

And Devin’s saying it was all a mistake?

“It wasn’t a mistake,” I say.

He looks up at me then, his wide eyes meeting mine through the mirror.

“I thought you were the bravest person at St. Francis. Hell, in the whole goddamn country. I only came out because I had you as a model. Don’t you dare call it a mistake.”

He blushes, his voice soft as he says, “Thank you.”

I roll my eyes. “For what?”

“For saying that.”

We lapse into silence for a moment, and I struggle to focus on my mop strokes instead of the awkward tension hanging in the air.

Finally, Devin says, “I thought I was a fool, you know? For ever thinking I was trans in the first place. I just felt like a liar and an embarrassment and a shame to real trans people.”

I raise an eyebrow. “Why?”

He shrugs. “’Cause after I came out and we moved out here, I didn’t feel like a girl anymore. At least, not really.”

“Do you feel like one now?”

He shrugs again. “I don’t know. I mean, I don’t really feel like a boy. I almost never do, but I don’t know if what I’m feeling is dysphoria or just—”