Until then, I just have to keep my head low. Or, well, in this case, nod enough to make it seem like I’m actually listening to a word he says. Then I can distract myself with thoughts of Drew or the Diary and just pray for the day to be over.

Step 6: The Hesitation

The moment you realize things are escalating and think, “This is too much,” only to strengthen the bond down the road.

Inbox (937)

Anonymous asked: Dear Noah, I love hearing about your relationship! I started following the Diary a year ago because it was amazing hearing about all these trans people finding love, but this honestly means so much more to me. It’s cool that trans people can find meet cutes, but long-lasting relationships like yours? It’s amazing! You’re a real icon, and I look up to you so much. Thank you for cultivating such a great relationship and letting us follow you through it. It means the world to so many of us.

I don’t see Drew for the rest of the week. He tells me he has a lot of stuff to do at the shop, and then he’s supposed to be taking his brother to a concert or something, and there’s all this important stuff going on, but a part of me feels like he’s just avoiding me. I mean, how ridiculous was I the other night? And now he wants nothing to do with me because I turned him away. And frankly, after how eager he’s been to get involved with all the Diary stuff, it’s got me kind of freaked out. I was such a horrible date that he’s running scared, even more so than is natural for the Hesitation, and I don’t know what to do if he never wants to talk to me again.

Friday’s the last day of orientation before the summer camp actually opens on Monday, so everyone’s bustling around and freaking out because there are so many things to get done. Devin and I basically finished setting everything up for the kids by Wednesday, so Friday morning, he brings in doughnuts and we just sit around doing nothing. I spend the day scrolling through the Diary fan messages I screenshotted that morning since I knew I’d be without service. They’re sweet and gushing, and it’s like the Diary took on a whole new life once everyone found out I was one of the meet cute stories—like I’d become not only some moderator, but a fairy godfather out to bestow love among all young trans people on the internet.

It’s weird, but nice, and people treat me like I’m some sort of god.

And my stomach twists, because if Drew breaks up with me, it’s not just me on the line. It’s the Meet Cute Diary too.

I remind myself that I’m just stuck in the Hesitation phase longer than I should be. After this comes the Tether, the unbreakable bond formed between us that’ll make our relationship stronger than ever. I just have to stop getting distracted and focus on keeping us on track.