Which actually doesn’t sound like the worst idea, but I can’t think of anything related to the camp that isn’t super generic. Besides, this isn’t eir first summer at the camp. E might think of anything else before e thinks of me, and that just leaves me feeling sad.

Inbox (2,108)

Undeadandunsurprised asked: Hey, Noah! How are you and Drew doing? Will you be posting more to the Diary soon? I really miss seeing it on my dashboard. Thanks!

I end up ordering Devin’s gift online last minute and paying almost twenty bucks in express shipping. I do a sloppy job of wrapping it with some tacky Santa Claus wrapping paper Brian’s got tucked away, and eventually decide to go to Target and just buy a bag and stuff it with tissue paper.

Friday morning, I show up to work early with everything shaking. It’s not just because I’m pretty sure my gift is mediocre and Devin’s gonna hate it, but also because I can’t stop thinking about what Brian said. How much am I going to regret it if I let the day go by without telling em how I feel? Even if I only have three weeks left in Denver, will I spend the rest of my life wondering what those three weeks could’ve been?

I think a part of me hoped our last week together would be enough to make my feelings waver. You know, being face-to-face with my own mortality, I’d realize relationships are pointless, and I’m better off just finding a random hookup in California.

Instead, my feelings have only gotten stronger, and every time I look at em, I feel like my heart is gonna tear right out of my chest.

And it’s not like I didn’t have any opportunities to tell em before today. Between cleaning and prepping in the mornings and lunch, I’ve basically had an infinite number of chances, but every time I opened my mouth, I ended up spouting any random garbage that brought me away from my feelings. And yeah, now today’s my last chance, and there’s an ever-increasing possibility I’ll screw this up too.

I drop my gift off in the office before heading to the rehearsal hall. I’m tired as hell because I haven’t had my coffee yet, but I wanted to get in before Devin. I spent the night googling up some cute Christmas decorations—because even with Devin’s tutorial, I knew there was no way I’d be able to draw something halfway decent on my own—and I want to hang them up before e gets in.