I choke on boba. “Wait, what? You’re leaving already? We barely spent any time together!”

Becca raises an eyebrow. “You’re the one who’s been acting like a zombie since we left the apartment.”

And yeah, I know that, but that’s ’cause we’re kind of running out of time.

“Noah, it’s okay,” Devin says, reaching a hand out to me, but I swat it away.

“No, it’s not okay!” I snap. “You’re both abandoning me, and apparently I’m the only one who cares.”

The table falls silent for a minute, and I wonder if I’ve gone too far, chasing away the two people who mean the most to me in a matter of seconds.

Finally, Becca says, “I mean, you’re the one moving to California.”

And God, I know she’s right, but that’s such a fucking low blow. Yes, I’m the one who left her in Florida, and I’m the one leaving Devin in Denver, but it’s not like I did it on purpose, or even by choice. Does she really think I’d leave her if I had a choice?

And I know I’m being unreasonable, but I can’t stop. I whip my head toward Devin, who’s staring idly down at eir chopsticks. “Do you have something to say?” I snap.

Devin looks up at me for a moment, as if verifying that my question really was directed at em, before saying, “No.”

“No?”

“I’m not gonna fight with you, Noah. If you really want to lash out and ruin our last week together, you’re doing it on your own.”

We sit through lunch in silence, but more than anything, I kind of just want to cry.

When we get back to the apartment building, Becca turns around and heads to her uncle’s car with a quick goodbye to Devin and nothing for me. I can’t really blame her.

Devin comes up to the apartment like e usually does, but once we get to the door, e turns to go.

“Wait,” I say.

Devin turns back hesitantly, eyeing me like e expects me to throw my shoe at em or something.

“Can you come in for a little bit?” I ask.

Devin nods and follows me inside.

I consider turning on some music or at least the TV to fill the space with a little bit of noise, but I know it’ll only distract me.

I’ve known since the Christmas party that this was coming, and I kept putting it off because I was hoping my feelings would fade and it wouldn’t hurt so much. But my feelings haven’t faded, and I’m starting to think they never will, and now I’m tearing everything apart over the fear of not being able to hold on to the one thing I know I can’t have.

“Devin,” I say.