“And isn’t that the hell of all this? Just seeing you reminds me of that. I don’t need you to tell me.”

“I’m sorry. I just meant—I was just curious how you changed goals.”

“I didn’t change my goals, Amy. The circumstances changed my goals.”

“Oh,” she whispered.

He placed his palm on the side of her face. “There are so many things I lost back then. And the worst of it is that I’d almost forgotten what I wanted to forget . . . and then there you were.” She pulled away and stumbled on the cobblestone sidewalk. He grabbed her arm. “I lost you. I lost most of the purpose in my job. The only things I gained were nightmares of women jumping in front of my car and cockroaches under the bed.”

“I’m so, so sorry. I wish . . . I wish . . .”

“I wish, too. But it doesn’t do a damn bit of good—trust me on that.” He drew a deep breath. “I was lucky Eliza’s dad arranged a job for me. No one knew anything about the ‘incident’ in Costa Rica. If I’d tried to get my own job, or do it on my own terms, they would’ve found out.”

“So no one ever found out.”

“Nope. Never. It’s not even discussed.”

“That doesn’t make it go away.”

“It did for a while. It definitely did for a while.”

“How did you end up back here?”

“Eliza wanted to come back to the South, badly. After Lisbeth turned ten, Eliza’s need to return to the South overwhelmed her. And her dad, ole Harlan Sullivan, finally deemed me worthy to work for the family company.”

“Did you decide that research and education weren’t what you really wanted?”

With that question a doubled-over kind of realization knocked him in the gut—he was still not doing what he wanted, and he’d run out of excuses. His voice came choked, as if his desires were stuck in his throat. “I’d forgotten—really forgotten—until I saw you, what I wanted . . .”

“What?”

He leaned into her, grabbed both her shoulders—she must understand this. “Haven’t you ever thought you weren’t hungry, then all of a sudden you smelled something or tasted something you love and you realized that you were starving? Absolutely starving?”

“Yes,” she said, but he could barely hear her as much as read her lips: Yes, yes.

“Well, that’s how it is now. I’m starving for all that—for all those things I once wanted.”

A couple walked past them, bumped them. Amy looked up and down the street. “Come on, let’s walk.”

“Do you understand?”