“I told myself I’d never be like him,” I said, staring down at her small hands in mine. “I don’t want to hurt people, I don’t. But sometimes I feel so angry, I don’t even know who I am. I could destroy everything I touch, even things I love. Even myself.”

“Manson, you are nothing like your father.”

Her voice was so fierce. She held my hands like she could squeeze the words into them, but that wasn’t enough. She put her arms around me, pulling me against her. I was frozen, stiff and shaking with the effort to hold myself together.

“I was awful to you and you never hurt me back,” she said, her voice soft against my ear. “You showed me what it meant to be taken care of, did you know that? No one had ever bothered to talk about a safeword with me. No one had even bothered to ask what I’m into. You won a silly bet at a party and you didn’t do anything I didn’t want you to. You cared, Manson. You’ve always cared.”

My brain screamed that her words weren’t true. She was lying, she pitied me, she hated me. There was no way I could ever be good enough for her. But she didn’t let me go, and as fierce as she sounded, her words were thick as she said, “I trust you, Manson. Lucas trusts you, and he doesn’t trust anyone. Vincent and Jason trust you. They’d follow you to the ends of the earth. You’re not some evil, awful person. You’re strong and kind, and you take care of people. But you can’t only take care of other people all the time and have no one take care of you too.”

Her chest swelled with a long, deep breath, and I lifted my head. She kept her arms around me as she kissed me, and the ugly darkness inside me died a little more.

“I’m here because I want to be,” she said, leaning her forehead against mine. “Because I chose to be. And I really don’t know what the hell is going to happen or how any of this will work out in the end. But the only things I’m scared of are the same things you make me forget.”

“Fuck.” Somehow, blessedly, the pressure released from behind my ribs. I could breathe again. I could think. Panic still ached in me, but it was manageable now. It wasn’t the same raging storm as before.

Some things went beyond words, and we held each other until those things felt clear.

Lucas was sitting on the metal barrier when Jess and I came back. He stood abruptly when he heard us coming, stubbing out the half-smoked cigarette in his fingers and shifting from foot to foot until we’d reached him.