“Do you want to not do this? Have you changed your mind? Because it’s okay if you have. We can pull the plug any time.” She squeezes her arms around my waist for a second and then relaxes into the hold.

I take a couple of deep breaths to think about that question, giving it the kind of measured consideration we’ve given every part of this process.

We started couples counseling after our best friends from college suddenly announced that they’d filed for divorce in matching Facebook status updates. Nothing was wrong with our marriage but seeing a relationship we knew so well — or thought we did, at least — combust without any warning rocked us to our core. If Shavonne and Diego couldn’t make it work, could we? It took nine months of counseling to realize that Nadia and I were solid but bored. An open marriage probably wouldn’t have saved Shavonne and Diego, but once the idea emerged between us, we had to consider that maybe — just maybe — it was what Nadia and I needed. And because my wife and I are very detail-oriented, it took a full year to consider and reconsider our feelings and research our options and then another couple of months to pull together our couples profile on the InfiniThree dating app for Marrieds Seeking Singles and Singles Seeking Singles+. Everything we’ve done thus far has been careful and considered, but now that we’re in the thick of it, I’m confronted with the reality that while I understand the logistics, the emotional realities of this all are more overwhelming than I expected.

And I don’t think any amount of planning on our part could have prepared me for Jourdan.

“I haven’t changed my mind,” I tell Nadia slowly.

She exhales and relaxes into my back in relief. I know this is a lot for her as well, but it’s different. She hasn’t met Jourdan yet. She doesn’t know what it was like to get caught up in her maelstrom in a fucking strip mall coffee shop and then have to go to work like nothing had happened. As if a twenty-something hadn’t thrown me for a loop and a half.

“If you don’t like Jourdan—” she starts, but I cut her off.

“It’s not that.” I wish it was that, actually. It would make all of this easier. I could just step back, and we could recalibrate before we move forward. We could slow down. But it’s not that. “I like her a lot.”

“Then what’s the problem?”