She got her way again.

I’m up before dawn because Jourdan and I are going on a walk in the park.

I think she’s the only person who really understands what we’re doing here. The nature preserve is on the edge of town, and Jourdan’s gleaned enough about Nadia and me to know that we never come here. We’re not nature people. Nadia likes to walk barefoot in our back yard that our gardener perfectly maintains, and every winter, we spend the holidays in a cabin in the mountains, and that’s the extent of our time in the wild. The likelihood that I’ll run into anyone we recognize here — or that anyone will believe they saw me here — is low. It’s perfect.

I’m still terrified.

I’m also exhausted. It’s my day off, and normally, I like to sleep in and do laundry. That’s it. But I’m up and turning in a circle in the middle of my bedroom while Nadia, propped up in bed, sips her coffee and scrutinizes my outfit.

“What are you checking? I’m just wearing workout clothes,” I tell Nadia, stifling a yawn. “It’s not a three-piece suit.”

She takes a sip of coffee and adjusts her eyeglasses, squinting at me. “What is wrong with men? It’s still a date, and you need to look your best. I bet she’s going to show up in something cute and tight.”

I swallow and try not to visualize that. I fail.

“Anyway, this is the fit,” Nadia says. “Your dick looks great in those shorts.”

“Nadia,” I whisper. “Lower your voice?”

She rolls her eyes at me. “The boys are asleep across the hall. Calm down.”

“Still,” I say weakly.

She laughs. “Are you nervous?”

“Obviously,” I say, hands on my hips. It’s my turn to pace around the room, trying to expel this energy building inside me.

Nadia sighs and climbs out of bed. “Come here,” she says, arms open.

I shake my head and turn away from her for another rotation. Between the two of us, we’re probably going to wear this patch of carpet thin.

“Darren, baby,” she says, wrapping her arms around me from behind. I sigh and slow to a stop as my wife drapes herself around my back. “Take a deep breath with me.”

This is a very common occurrence in our household. I have mild anxiety, and when my medication is slow to kick in or the boys get a little too rambunctious, we can always count on Nadia to initiate some coordinated breathing. And since it almost always works, I have no complaints. But just because I can regulate my breathing doesn’t mean that I don’t still feel like a nervous wreck.