“I know. But you have to remember he could be, you know… watching from another place.” I wince at the way he looks at me, like that’s the dumbest thing he’s ever heard, and maybe I shouldn’t talk anymore. “It’s possible.”

“But it’s not the way it is. He’s alive.”

“If he was, why would he stay away all this time? He could at least have gotten word to you that he’s alive, Colt. I want him to be alive, I really do.” When he scoffs, all I can do is put my arms around him. “I do. I want it for you.”

He hugs me back, stroking my hair. “He’s trying to give us space to be together.”

That’s a new one. “What do you mean?”

“It’s exactly the kind of thing he would do. He’d want to stay away to give us space because he knew.”

“Knew what?”

“He knew I loved you first.”

I can’t have heard that correctly. “What did you say?” I lift my head from his chest and look up at him in confusion. “You what?”

“I loved you. I still love you,” he whispers, taking my face in his hands. “I have for a bit. But I couldn’t exactly come out and admit that, so I went too far in the other direction. Like I was covering, I don’t know.”

“You’re telling me that you loved me all that time? Even when you were so cruel and mean?”

“I did. Very much.” A faint smile starts to stir. “I still do. I understand if you can’t love me. I don’t deserve it, not after everything I put you through.”

He loves me. Something about that feels right. The first truly right thing to happen in the past few months. On the other hand, could he really be this good of an actor?

“I want to believe you. Maybe a part of me already does…”

“But?”

“But… it felt real. If you really did care about me, how could you hurt me so badly? How could you watch me suffer?”

I can see the turmoil in the depth of his blue eyes. He is thinking about what to tell me. I just hope it’s the truth.

“Because hating you came so easy to me.”

He might as well slap me in the face. His words sting more than I like to admit. I’m about to ask him where the hell he is going with this when he continues on his own.