What they want most is for me to react, and I’m not going to give them that satisfaction if I can help it.

Instead, I’m going to sit here and wonder what Nix meant about things going differently once our parents get home. There’s still another ten days before that’s supposed to happen, and I’ve been secretly dreading them coming to an end. I don’t know what is going to happen with James or how things are going to change. Whether he’s going to go back to the way he was before, which I can only guess now, was all an act. The more time before I have to face him again, the better.

But I can’t imagine anything I’m doing right now that I couldn’t do once life goes back to normal. I’m making money and want to get out and take care of myself. What’s so wrong with that? No matter how I try to come up with a reason for somebody to get in the way, I can’t come up with anything.

Then again, I never imagined James doing what he did, either. Even now, it feels more like a nightmare than an actual memory. The way he changed so suddenly, going from the nice guy I thought I knew to someone dark and violent. It’s enough to make me worry about Mom, and that’s saying something. Very rarely do I worry about her since she doesn’t seem to care much about me unless it’s about the way I make her look or about the way I ruined her life. Has he ever treated her the way he treated me that day? I can’t imagine since why would she have married him?

The answer to that question is pretty simple, actually. Just looking around my bedroom is answer enough. It’s practically the size of half our old trailer. She’s been desperate to get out of that life. Is she desperate enough to marry a psychopath?

I stare out the window, lost in my worries. Wondering if my mother is somewhere alone with somebody who could suddenly lose his temper and do to her what he did to me…

CHAPTER 20

If I’m grateful for one thing, it’s my books. My only way of escaping for a little while. When I’m reading, I’m not worrying. I’m not dreading or remembering. I can exist in another world, someplace where things make sense. Where people don’t hurt each other for no reason, where they apologize for the things they’ve done—and if they don’t want to apologize, they end up paying for it in the end. I think that’s the part I like best. Knowing the bad guys are always going to get what’s coming to them.

Sadly, real life isn’t that simple. I certainly know that for a fact.