we asked them to split the check. there was an error with my check. i had ordered the most food and made a miscalculation and there was $15 left over. seemed tense. i told the waitress to charge me an additional $15. something felt different. felt myself go into ‘kamakaze sensitivity mode,’ where i interpret everything as ‘the people around me are not having fun and it’s my fault.’ used the bathroom. walked past gigantic ‘farm’ of maybe six 15’-long lobster tanks that i saw, and wanted to look more closely at, when we entered the restaurant. wanted to take pictures. the tanks were filled with about eight inches of water. lobsters and ‘anonymous,’ displaced-seeming fish crowded together in small clumps. the ceiling was very high and unfinished, with large dusty industrial pipes and vents. saw alec and allie in the distance, taking pictures of their faces inside a cut-out area of a giant plywood painted lobster. people were gathered under a tent nearby, watching a band play covers of john mayer-like songs. allie took a picture of my face inside the lobster. i said ‘that’s so good, facebook, send it to me, new facebook pic.’ she did things to her phone. felt people ‘putting up with me’ as i emailed the picture to myself.

keep thinking ‘something seemed different.’ we left the lobster bar and walked destinationless, saying things about how we felt full but we could get ice cream. allie and alec talked about harry potter. alec said ‘i’m only talking about harry potter so much today because the last time i was in newport i read [one or all or a lot of] the harry potters.’ i saw a storefront with a sign that said ‘scrimshander’s scrimshaw.’ thought zachary would think it was funny. i don’t know what a scrimshaw is…just, ‘scrimshander’s scrimshaw,’ that would be funny. stopped to take a picture. alec and allie continued walking. wondered how long it would take them to notice i wasn’t there. ‘a long time,’ i thought. i moved closer to the window of the scrimshaw store—some kind of gift shop selling things that seemed too disparate to be parts of a theme, or maybe all of these things were ‘scrimshaws.’ felt something complex, watching the people inside with the boat figurines and kites and glass objects, knowing none of us were really looking for anything.

didn’t see alec and allie for a moment. they were maybe half a block ahead on the sidewalk. it looked like they’d only recently stopped walking. i waved and smiled, jogged to them. i don’t think any of us mentioned what happened. i didn’t feel bad about it, just something. i did it, i made the thing possible, the thing i felt. they were still talking about harry potter a little, i think. alec pointed at a candy store and said ‘maybe there’ll be fudge samples’ and we walked inside, where people who looked like families milled around. no free samples. i stared at a box of head-sized pastries labeled ‘elephant ears.’ alec said ‘should we just buy a thing of fudge, a big thing?’ i said ‘yeah, let’s do it, let’s get fudge!’ alec said ‘or elephant ears?’ i said ‘no, not that…’ a man and a boy approached the elephant ears. the man was giving the boy a lesson about pastries. i said ‘let’s just buy fudge.’ alec and allie were exiting the store.