8:38–11:59PM: walked to bar to watch game. i bet him if the heat won i’d get to call him by his name again. he didn’t really agree or disagree to bet terms. thought ‘i’m being too [something]. too eager to think of ideas. no more bets for a while after this.’ during the first or second quarter we stood outside and i smoked maybe 75% of a cigarette, said ‘it’s making my stomach feel weird, do you want it,’ and he took it. happy to be there with him and everyone in the bar, all of us there for the same thing. said ‘it smells of cabbage in here’ a few times. [omitted] said ‘shrimps.’ i said ‘a twelve-inch shrimp.’ tweeted from unedited account. talked to people. bought six beers for each of us. when the game ended i cried a little and said ‘imagine how they must feel right now, walking to their locker rooms.’ [omitted] said ‘i always forget that that’s happening right now, they’re doing that right now.’ could tell i was hamming it up a little, but not disingenuously. we were walking and holding hands. this feels like a ben lerner-style confession.

i wanted to get another drink or do something to prolong the period before we were back at his apartment. felt restless. [omitted] expressed not wanting to drink more but wanting me to be happy. sat/leaned on a benched-in tree by an outdoor seating area. he pointed to a window and said ‘see? they’re putting the chairs up already.’ i said ‘that’s okay, it’ll be good to go back.’

i said we should race from where we stood to end of the block and back, separately, with the other person timing. he groaned. i said ‘just time me, then.’ he said ‘no, just stay here.’ i said ‘no just please, just time me, i’ll be right back.’ he said ‘okay.’ ran as fast as i could, pretending i was getting chased by the nothing from ‘neverending story’ and [vague thing that wants to ‘get me’]. passed a man. the block was longer than i thought it’d be. jogged then walked defeatedly. [omitted] was holding his phone and watching. i did one minute 30something seconds. he said ‘did you really run the whole way?’ i said ‘yeah.’ he stood and said ‘okay. i’m doing it.’ i said ‘even with the cigarette?’ he put it out and said ‘oh-hhhh, boy.’ timed him. he ran faster than i felt like i was running. watched him shrink under street light shadows, then reappear full-size by me. i said ‘one minute fifty-four seconds.’ he said ‘that’s a good two hundred meters,’ breathing hard. he said ‘did you really go the whole way? to the sign?’ i said ‘yeah.’

it was hard for him to walk. he hadn’t been wearing socks. felt guilty for making us run but that also he could’ve stopped.

at apartment: