4:22pm: I’m in a waiting area at the gulf station across from the first gas station. Being helped by an attractive man named Chris. He is servicing my car. I think ‘servicing’ is really funny. I’m being serviced by Chris. It will be about 20 minutes. I smell a little like the scallop stuff from last night, I’m bringing leftovers for mom to try. A drake ringtone just went off. A man’s voice answered the phone. He said ‘ey ma.’ he is talking in Spanish to a woman’s Spanish-speaking phone voice.

4:25pm: man with a shaved head wandered into waiting area. Just felt excited about ‘getting to do this,’ like liveblog is my version of a living in Sims-like video game. Holding my phone like I’d hold my DS. Where the hell is my DS. It was a DS lite. It was pink. What happened…

4:27pm: insane email from dentist. this isn’t the first time I’ve received an email like this from this dentist.

4:36pm: I have finished being serviced. Transaction complete. Going to start saying ‘transaction complete’ after sex. Maybe ‘service me’…maybe…no I don’t like it too ‘Sarah Silverman.’ Pulling in to Duane reade parking lot.

4:50pm: bought this pink silicone sea urchin toy for mom. Got ‘snack happy’ in Duane reade. Treating my snack happy ass to some stuff that’s barely…I don’t see how you can gain weight by eating ‘white cheddar ‘pirate’s booty’ puffs’ and red licorice. It’s barely there. The cashier smiled when I said ‘this too’ about the pink sea urchin. There was a problem with my card. I said ‘I could go to the ATM…’ she said ‘sign here’ and I did. She said ‘your card is damaged.’ she had gold lipstick and a Jamaican accent. Felt like she was my fairy godmother. I said ‘oh yeah, it’s been acting weird, I’ll get it fixed tomorrow.’ fairy godmother daycare person letting me have all the nothing snacks and the pink thing, lovingly tolerating my childish ways.

4:58pm: thought ‘it’s summertime baby and I’m your snack daddy’ in Austin powers’ voice.

5:02pm: so I’m going to poop this out eventually? That’s how this is going to work? It’s going to give me cancer? That’s how stuff is done? These days? Nowadays? Hm.

5:05pm: these things are like what I imagine you’d need to eat as ‘fuel supplements’ before time traveling. Like how in ‘the abyss’ they breathed in this pink fluid so they could breathe underwater. Mmhmm. So these things are like that. Hypothetically. See? You feel me?

8:09pm: pulling off on an exit where there was a chic-fil-a sign. Have to pee bad, also very hungry. Sang along to nico in car, I made a video. I can impersonate nico kind of. Pretty embarrassing video. Uploaded to You-Tube. Responded to email from person from rolling stone who’s profiling Tao and wants to ask me some things.