recognized my editor from vice. have not met in-person. we had ‘the talk.’ he asked why i had stopped sending things. i said i’ve been depressed and out of ideas and have been doing the liveblog but i want to start the column again. i said ‘am i the flakiest contributor?’ he said there were definitely worse but i was ‘up there.’ we did a shot of jameson in the main bar room. he said he had been there for a while but left for a little bit. something else was said. shit. something funny. i forget. felt good/fortuitous to see him. i said i wanted to go meet the hotdog people and he went to talk to gian.

left bar and searched ‘java dog’ on my phone. mira texted or called to say it was close to the bar, on 3rd ave i think. it was called ‘japa dog’ or something actually, though. when i arrived they had already eaten. remember feeling like ‘i’m still not drunk enough’ and that everyone had high energy and i was an ‘out of context object’ in their conversation (sounds negative, i didn’t feel negative, just like, ‘yeah’). put a red plastic hot dog container on mira’s head and said…i forget. this was my attempt at ‘high energy.’ walked back to the bar in a group. spencer said goodbye. it was taking me a long time to find ID in purse to give to security guard. think i told people to go upstairs without me.

talked to gian and tao’s editor by the bar. ordered another vodka club soda. remember seeing ryan o’connell at some point and hugging him and saying ‘do you want to slow dance’ and he said ‘you know i do’ or something and we danced a little, but we were both moving to other places. it was a seamless ‘stop and dance transition to other places we were walking.’ it was nice. thought ‘i want to talk to ryan more but he’ll probably leave.’ remember having trouble discerning what editor was saying and some funny conversation that ended with me saying ‘i bet ten bucks you can’t remember exactly what you said.’ thanked gian for paying for the open bar and talked a little about new orleans.

at some point it became clear that a drug dealer was coming. i said i wanted to buy heroin. have had difficulty swiping my card at ATMs. gian said the guy was coming soon and if i wanted things i should go to an ATM fast. walked downstairs, outside bar. saw marie and willis and rachel standing by the door. someone said ‘are you leaving?’ and i said ‘no i’ll be right back.’ jogged to a deli. card didn’t work. jogged to another deli, withdrew money from my savings account and i think it must’ve overdrafted or something, i don’t know how i was able to withdraw $100 twice. jogged to bar. texted gian if they guy had coke, because i was able to take out more than i thought i had. took a long time to find my ID for security doorman again. downstairs bar still seemed very empty. gave gian my money and asked if he saw my text and he hadn’t. i gave him all my money and said if the dealer had other things i’d like whatever he had, with the other $100.