mom talked about how she’s decorating dad’s new offices from an outlet store the sells old hotel furniture across from ‘the worst trailer park in the world, with graffiti like in new york.’ i said i watched part of ‘manhattan’ last night. she said ‘i think that’s why i cried on the verrazano bridge, the opening scene of that, and something about brooklyn too, and knowing you had all the memories and then all the things about woody allen, that’s why i got emotional. i’m sorry i get a little silly when i’m emotional.’ i said ‘you don’t need to apologize for that at all.’ she said ‘you could just fall asleep to that music, george gershwin every night.’ i said ‘i don’t think i could fall asleep to that’ and she went ‘hohoho, no, that’s right.’

earlier i had told her i was thinking about going to marie calloway’s reading and she asked if i was going. i said ‘you know? maybe. maybe i’ll go. because why not. because the other night i found a blender, did i tell you about that?’ she said ‘no, when was that?’ i said ‘with nicholas the other night, there were all all these. well it was really sticky, all these appliances. i was going to take a frying pan too but it was too sticky [mom was laughing at ‘sticky,’ whenever i’d say ‘sticky,’ remember ‘milking her for ‘sticky’ laughs’ by further describing how it was ‘greenish brownish’], but this blender! i mean it’s a pretty basic blender, it’s simple, like maybe from the 90’s maybe, but i like that, so. the other night i scrubbed it and i let soap and water soak in the glass part overnight and then this morning—well, i think the thing is really that i just can’t let it get too full. it works. i just can’t let it get too full or it leaks. but it’s a blender again, i have a blender again! it’s cuisinart. so i guess all of this that i’m trying to say is that, i did that this morning and so i got off to a good start. it felt like a good start, like i made green juice also [mom went ‘aw,’ like ‘honey i’m proud of you but i do not like green juice at all and i could easily go into a thing about how i think i should like green juice but i don’t right now’], like, i could do things. but now i think, around when you called i’m getting to this place of ‘it seems like i’m not going to do anything’ again.’ felt aware of talking for a long time. mom laughed and said ‘i know the feeling.’ i said ‘well, so i guess i decided since i didn’t do the laundry yesterday i at least have to do that today, since i think i’m not going to…there’s no way i’ll make it to the DMV but really i think i really just don’t want to.’ mom said ‘there is really this thing meggie, that i believe, that if something doesn’t feel right in the moment, there’s a reason behind that feeling and you shouldn’t do it.’ i said ‘yeah. yeah. i think i believe that too mostly. it’s just i think…it’s not that the things don’t feel right, i’m just not interested enough in the the things.’ she laughed and said ‘well, yes, there’s that too, there’s always that too.’ she said something about not wanting to take her car for an emissions inspection but she had to do it by june 7th. i was kneeling on the kitchen floor. i forget why. i said ‘we just have to keep doing stuff. there keeps being stuff we have to do.’ she said ‘yes, yes.’