11:05PM: right hand smelled like garlic for a long time after touching checkbook. hard to do things that aren’t ‘staring.’ going to scope out the scene in mom’s room.

11:52PM: laid on mom’s bed while she tried to explain plot of ‘downton abbey.’ seemed like the most impossible thing to pay attention to and she seemed to agree, but would also interject ‘oh i know who that guy is’ comments. she said ‘it’s the only thing on TV, it’ll make you fall asleep.’ i dipped rice cakes in baba ganoush and think i was annoying and interruptive. eventually slid off the bed, like, laughing, feet-first. it happened a little then i ran with it. i said ‘beddy bye.’

MARCH 20, 2013

12:22AM: bathwater is running. i’m just going ot do this until forever. ate half of some kind of pill, 1mg Xanax ithink. ate other one . just thought ‘willis is just in the other room, he said he watned to show me something.

123331

ookkk anoth athter xaanxn at som e oo==ibe, ijay sruffl is going to better e=vetter i know

1:12AM: woke in mostly empty bathtub. very cold. drain wouldn’t close so i just sat on it and refilled tub with hot water. when i woke felt obsessed with finding candy i had been eating but guess i ate it all. flopped around trying to always be covered in hot water, thinking ‘sexy seal’ and ‘sprinkle princess’ and pictured someone tossing me a fish and this is what would get me into the maxim top 100 hottest women or whatever. because enough seals voted me in.

1:18AM: looked at emotional gchats from ex-boyfriend.

1:23AM: pictured emerging rapper, he’s like, only been in videos hanging out before but he just got to say this line in this song…he’s short and wears this giant shiny thing…i don’t know what it is, maybe a suit or a special kind of lakers jersey, and his mouth has so much grill it that it weighs his neck down a little but he still tries to keep his face up so people call him ‘sunnyside.’ he’s like, sitting at one of those sweet ass round leather sofas in a dark club with decanters on the table which is also a platform/light thing where sexy women’s legs in pumps are walking around and then beat drops and camera focuses on ‘sunnyside’ and he says ‘luhdda see em fart bubbles plip plop in the hot tub.’

1:27AM: think i’m thinking of that song where the one ying yang twin is like ‘i’d rather see yo ass clap clap in them shoes’

1:35AM: earlier tonight i was listening to r. stevie moore thinking it was stevie wonder for a long time and feeling like something wasn’t right.

3:37AM: still in bathtub. exfoliating skin with nails. there is a lot of ‘dead me’ in here. skin. re-filling sugar-free red bull can with cold water. fantasizing about living in some tropical town where you get drinking water in cans every morning. water in cans. seems so good. the way the air would smell.