2:12PM: here is an ‘other people’ update:

•  mom asked if i wanted anything from whole foods. i said ‘no thanks’ then ‘chim chim’ quietly, half-hoping i had actually just repeated ‘no thanks’

•  read supportive texts from gian and stephen dierks and felt good and like texts are one of the things influencing me to write more today

•  last night friend of ‘shower noise requester caller’ texted me and sent a picture but i haven’t responded

•  colin the real estate mogul texted ‘ASAP’ regarding something i forgot around 10AM

•  moved car from driveway to new parking spot so mom could drive out of garage. held apple i found on my car’s floor as i walked to condo, thinking ‘mom will feel good if she sees me eating the apple.’ made plans to take first bite of apple once i saw ‘the whites of mom’s eyes.’ saw that i’d left condo’s door wide open but walked inside confidently and nonchalantly, bumping into mom, who i reflexively said ‘night night’ to, then hurriedly bit apple to ‘make up for lost time.’ mom smiled and shook her head a little. i laughed and said ‘night night sorry hello goodbye.’

imagine all of the homeless people who have hotmail accounts. in the year 4000 all homeless people will have emails but somehow it’s going to be worse.

2:54PM: experiencing weird light and depth/size hallucinations. the thing i’m mostly seeing seems like it’s everywhere also. it’s sort of weak in that i’m mostly seeing stuff i normally see, but if i focus harder/almost cross my eyes there is this other layer of stuff like, spinning fast, underneath everything i normally see. the layer kind of looks like a patterned neon turtle shell, spinning very fast. it has a still center-point with a concave half-sphere behind it that seems to be ‘wagging.’ the ‘wags’ become smaller and appear more ‘vibrating’ as my focus shifts further from the center point. the thing seems to be gaining other parts with more opacity that move faster. feel like the shape is intelligent, it’s like, an intelligent DMT lifeform that i’m kind of afraid of and interested in watching. have seen/experienced something similar to this on DMT. like underneath the reality i normally experience there is another version of everything—maybe infinite multiple layers of concurrent realities, similar to ours in that they’re also ‘realities,’ where things exist that are similarly conscious but in vastly different ways than humans are, like, unknowable to humans not on DMT, given our limit of only regularly experiencing one consicousness at a time. i sound like i’m on hallucinogens. feel worried a little, about my brain, like this is how the beginning of naturally occurring brain damage feels. i don’t know.

3:17PM: you know when you look up from underwater in a pool? or see like, heat rising from the ground? that wavy thing? maybe that wavy thing happens on your eyeballs all the time, and that’s what i’m seeing. the patterns aren’t just the wavy thing though.