She told me to sit up and get dressed and meet her in her office. She said something about how she figured I was out of my birth control and needed a refill, without mentioning how she wouldn’t authorize a refill without me sending the letter I wrote authorizing her to not perform the colposcopy. No mention. Seemed ‘suspect’ or…like a family secret, no one mentions that one uncle’s drinking problem, they just let him do it and pretend it’s not happening. Felt shitty about me, being the drunk uncle, doing things people want to pretend I’m not doing. Refusing…erroneous…painful medical procedures…but still. I don’t know.

In the office she said ‘now Laura got your pee and you’re negative,’ I said ‘for everything?’ she said ‘that’s a good question. Now that’s a good question, let me answer, I just have to click some things to update you in the computer.’ I waited. She took a breath and said ‘now—I’m just sending this as a pap smear, but usually we stop recommending the other tests to women older than twenty-six and that’s! Because. Women tend to become involved in monogamous relationships. You come in and you’ve been with Eddie for three years and we say ‘no reason to do this, now we stop.’ But then! Say you’re with Eddie for a year and then, who knows, maybe Ted—no wait they’re the same thing,’ I didn’t get it right away, ‘so maybe then you’re with, John? So we say it’s good to send a check for everything once a year, if you’re an unmarried woman, no children, you want to do what you want.’ I was nodding the entire time and wanting to hurry it along. I said ‘yes, yeah that would be good to check’ maybe too eagerly. She said ‘okay well we’re going to check you this time, but since I’ve put it in as a pap smear it takes a little longer, so you’re going to have to give me two weeks.’ Her face was like ‘we’re so glad you came uncle Ted, please be careful on those stairs.’

Something printed out and she said ‘oh! I thought I had sent your refill to the pharmacy but it printed instead.’ I said ‘that’s okay, I can just give them the paper.’ she signed it without hesitation and said ‘yes you’ll just have to give them this.’