8:40pm: looming sense of dread re potential car towing. The sign by where I parked said it would be safe until Friday. ‘Just in case’ I’m taking the paranoid measure of not bringing the box dad mistakenly packed. The box is full of slides. Because details like ‘the box was full of slides?’ That’s what matters! Oof.

9:26pm: car was there. Mom called and said ‘did you get gas?’ I said ‘no, maybe I will on the way home.’ she said ‘oh no I meant in your apartment.’ she was looking for motels for when she visits, had called to see if I knew my zip code.

9:36pm: drove back to building. Saw Colin standing at his window, I think, while I loaded boxes in car. First time I’ve been lost here. Want to be on a lot of drugs. Drug dealer texted there were ‘specials’ tonight and dad gave me $200 cash yesterday. Considering…seems too hard to pick a place in manhattan to meet…he is the one with heroin and Molly and coke…not worth it, considering it would delay me being in md and writing the story/updating this, also guilt at spending money in that way. Passed accident on side of road. Details. Not just thoughts, details also. Wheeeeee.

When I get to Maryland I ‘have to’ do story first, will post shitty update of liveblog then eat 60mg vyvanse and do story. If I stay up all night I can get a new computer tomorrow before gyno at 3:40pm. I’m saying this as like…it’s a warning to myself, if I don’t do these things I’ll feel bad. Always forget ‘in the future you’ll feel bad if you don’t ____ .’

9:49pm: something feels more manageable, looking inside of apartment, even though I don’t know what I want to do. Wonder if vice ‘will still have me.’ Passed animated highway sign that said ‘slow down’ then ‘give us a break.’

MAY 1, 2013

12:05am: bought gas, neuro sonic drink, four-pack 8oz sf red bull from rest stop. Mom called as I was pulling out. Nose has been progressively stuffier on drive, have headache. Mom said ‘oh you’ve got a stuffy nose too, the pollen is everywhere, it’s these fucking flowering trees, someone needs to cut them down.’ I said ‘on a species thing, it’s like they’re doing harm to us, they want to overcome us and take our place.’ mom said ‘they’re actually an alien species, this is an alien plot’ and chuckled. My nose has recovered from cocaine the other night, had felt worried about it getting hard to breathe again, allergies thing makes sense though. I’m in delaware. Mom said something about a funnyordie.com thing she wants to show me when it seemed clear that I wanted to drive and she wanted to sleep. I said ‘you’ll have to show it to me tomorrow.’ she said she would, heard a smile in her voice and ‘awareness of earlier silent agreement we had that conversation was over.’ she said ‘well you drive safe.’ I said ‘I will. You sleep good.’ she said ‘oh there are just these things we have to say to each other.’ I could picture her face and I liked it. I said ‘yeah, now we’re saying these things we say at the end of the phone call.’ She said ‘I know it’s all whatever, you know, but I really love you and I’m happy you’re coming home.’ I said ‘me too, I love you too, big.’