He looked at her again. “I didn’t . . . I mean . . . I don’t know what to say. What do you want me to say?”

She saw him all blurry now, like in one of those hall-of-mirrors rooms at the county fair. She wiped her eyes and tried to stay in control, but her chin quivered and she couldn’t stop it, and she hated that. She’d sat in the bathroom for a half hour after the test turned positive while a wave of emotion and fear swept over her. What she hadn’t prepared for in all of that was the unexpected feeling that crept up on her. Something she couldn’t tell Brian.

Brian put the pregnancy test on the TV tray by the couch. Both had been given to him by a friend who was going to haul them to the dump, along with a kitchen table and a broken refrigerator. Brian had taken them and had duct-taped the broken table leg and wedged it in the corner of the kitchen so it would stand.

“What are you going to do?” he said.

Melissa pulled her head back, then looked away. Her face felt hot all of a sudden and she clenched her fists. She’d had fights with Brian, but she’d never felt this way before. “What am I going to do? Is that your question?”

“Yeah, I mean, what do you want me to ask you?”

“How about, what are we going to do? You’re part of this, you know.”

“I know that.” His eyes got soft and he reached out to touch her shoulder, but she moved away. The couch cushions sagged. She grabbed the edge and pulled herself up, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed.

“We’re not ready, Melissa. I don’t have a job. I’m behind on the rent. There’s no food. I’m not going to my mom for help and I know you don’t want to go to your dad.”

He was right about all of that. And there were more reasons they weren’t ready and shouldn’t be having a baby. But Melissa couldn’t shake the feeling she’d had in the bathroom. Mixed in with all the fear and shame and feeling stupid for not being more careful and a hundred other bad thoughts was a single word that rose to the surface like a rainbow trout in her heart.

Mother.

She was going to be a mother. And there was something about that word, something about the concept, that made her feel alive. That tingle inside surprised her. On one hand, she felt like a million bricks had collapsed on top of her. She couldn’t breathe. And there was nobody she could tell because she knew what they’d think, what they’d say.