The first letter from Susan came a few days later. The adoption agency had put together a schedule for the adoptive parents and birth mother to correspond for the first year. Susan gave an update on David’s growth, and Melissa got her first look at her son in another mother’s arms.

As the months went on, Melissa looked forward to getting the letters, but at the same time they set her back. Every time she saw his little face and how it had changed, she thought of what she had missed. She didn’t put any of those feelings in the letters she wrote Susan and Jimmy, of course, knowing that at some point David might see them.

When David was nine months old, Susan wrote:

Melissa and Brian,

David is growing up so fast, we can hardly believe it. He’s such a happy child, always smiling. I catalog these things with our camera and video recorder, but Jimmy is even worse than I am. He has to catch every significant moment, such as first time in his high chair, first time to eat real food, and more.

As I said in my letter before he was born, we’ve lost two sons and we want David to know about Michael and John. And when the time is right, we want him to know about his adoption.

We’re headed to a lake to go camping. I’m hoping to send a photo of David’s first fishing expedition. I’m sure Jimmy will take about a thousand pictures.

My favorite thing to do each day is sit with David and read. He fits so perfectly right beside me and he snuggles in. He’s such a smart little thing. He points at pictures on the pages and laughs so hard.

He does a funny thing with his fingers, too. When he goes to sleep, he puts his middle and fourth finger in his mouth and then he wraps his blanket around his other hand and touches his nose until he falls asleep. I could go on and on describing him, but I’ll stop.

We hope you are well and this letter will encourage you about this little life that has grown our little family.

With gratitude,

Susan Colton

When Christmas neared, the ache inside Melissa began to feel more like a sharp pain. At first she didn’t understand what was happening—the anxiety, the troubled feeling that something wasn’t right. She snapped at Brian for little things, and the tension leaked out at her work.