Melissa was on the bed with the baby sleeping on her chest when the door opened. Jennifer entered and crept near the bed and beamed when she saw the child’s face.

“It’s okay, you can talk,” Melissa said. “He kind of likes the sound of voices, I think. Probably reminds him of his old room.”

Jennifer smiled and studied his face, leaning close and gently caressing his thin hair. “I make phone calls. I talk with people. I get paperwork in the mail. And every day I remind myself that this is what it’s all about.”

“Funny,” Melissa said. “The best part of your job is the worst part for me.”

Jennifer looked at Melissa with kind eyes. “How are you feeling?”

She shook her head. “Nothing can prepare you for that. I don’t care how many classes or videos or books. I thought I was going to die.”

“And look at you now. The pain was worth it, wasn’t it?”

“Oh yeah. It’s just that . . .”

Jennifer sat on the edge of the bed and Melissa shifted a little as if she needed a better position to say what was inside.

“I don’t know how something that’s supposed to be so good can feel so bad. It’s like I’m losing a part of me. It’s not supposed to feel this way, is it?”

“Yes, it is. This is a real loss. And it’s because you care about him that it’s going to be hard. He’s your son. He’s part of you. So you’re going to feel this for a long time.”

“Nobody told me that.”

“I know it seems like it ought to be easier. If you do something good, that feeling should overwhelm everything else. Problem is, you can’t just turn off the other feelings.”

Melissa looked up at Jennifer. “That’s exactly what I told Brian when I said I was going to have the baby.”

Jennifer smiled. “And that feeling deep inside is going to pull you through. Because someday he’s going to thank you.”

Melissa closed her eyes and shook her head, and she felt her chin shaking. “No. He won’t thank me. He’s going to hate me for not keeping him.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because it’s true. He’s going to wonder why I didn’t love him enough. Why I didn’t fight harder to keep him. And I won’t have a good answer.”

Jennifer stayed quiet as if in thought about what to say or how to remove the guilt. But her cell phone buzzed and she looked at it. “I need to take this.” And when Jennifer stepped out of the room, Melissa knew this was the end.