She looked down at her growing child. “They did an ultrasound the other day. You know, where they take pictures and tell you if the baby is growing at the right rate.”

“Is everything okay?”

She nodded and found a tissue and wiped her nose. “The nurse or technician or whoever it was looked at the screen and asked me if I wanted to know if the baby was a boy or a girl.”

“You said you didn’t want to know. That would make it harder.”

She nodded. “I know. But right then, I forgot. I mean, I felt like I wanted to know.” She looked up with tears in her eyes. “It’s a boy. We’re going to have a boy.”

Brian didn’t know how to respond. The baby was just something they needed to move past, like some empty grave, but the more it grew and now knowing it was a boy, the more real it became.

When Melissa spoke again, her voice was airy and light, like she was whispering in her sleep. “What would it be like if we kept him? You and me and a baby. Wouldn’t that be something?”

Brian stiffened. “Melissa, we’ve talked about this. We can’t raise a child right now. It wouldn’t be fair to the baby to bring it into—”

“Him, not it,” she said.

“Him. Whatever.”

“He’s not a whatever.”

“Listen, you’re doing a good thing for these people. They’ll give him a lot better chance than we can.”

Her voice was soft when she said, “I know, but at least let me dream a little.”

When people began to spread dirt on the casket, she asked him to drive her home. She spent the rest of the night in bed, curled up and crying. Brian wanted to help but couldn’t think of anything to say or do. How could you change things that were real?

A week later, he’d come up with something, and when he got his paycheck, he drove to Pawn-a-Palooza on his way home. Then he stopped at a drive-thru and bought some fried chicken and told Melissa he wanted to take her somewhere special. They drove the dirt road to the secluded lake where she and Kelly had fished months earlier. The trees had turned brilliant colors and the lake shimmered with the reflection of the setting sun.

“Where’s our gear?” Melissa said when he spread the blanket out for them and put the food down.

“We’re not here to fish.”

She looked at him like he was a space alien. She stood at the edge of the blanket, her hands on her hips, her back swayed to balance the extra weight she carried. The sun peeked through her hair and the orange light sparkled and he wanted to capture that sight somehow. She looked beautiful and he was the only one who could see it.