I know it helped, what she said. But nothing was ever quite the same after that. Not for you, and not for me. Because April admitted to me, privately, that she had no idea whether I’d given him my number. She’d been too busy with his friend. That’s something I never told you, either, and I feel like it stands against me now, a terrible judgement on my character. Or at least on her character. On Drunk Louise’s.

That message from a strange man was the beginning of your interrogations. My alter ego suddenly lost her charm in your eyes, and my hungover, sober self lost all your sympathy. You waited for me to overdrink, and you attacked me for it, though I tried so hard to stay the sober side of the line and almost always succeeded. I really did try, Niall. But I couldn’t cope without it. I was so afraid you would see through me, and leave me. And simultaneously afraid that you’d never wanted me, and that everything was still about Dina.

And, of course, the more you criticised, or gave me the silent treatment, the more anxious I became, and the more I needed the alcohol.

I say anxious, but what I really felt was a combination of fear and profound sadness. My life started to look hopeless.

The worst part was when we talked about kids again, two weeks after that incident. You were so cool. Unemotional. You said we obviously weren’t going to be ready for that for a while.

I could see in your expression that you didn’t trust me to have your children any more, Niall. And it felt like you’d driven a knife into me.

11

The DCI’s phone call came half an hour into the journey, and Hanson felt nothing but relief. She wondered whether Ben, who had driven in silence for the last twenty minutes, felt the same. There was nothing in his expression to suggest that he was uncomfortable. But then there never was.

‘Chief,’ Lightman said.

‘It looks like Louise Reakes may not be as unconnected as we first thought,’ the DCI told them in a slightly muffled voice. ‘She was in the same club as Alex Plaskitt last night, and he left shortly after her.’

‘Interesting,’ Ben said, at the same time that Hanson said, ‘Wow, OK.’

‘I’ll be asking O’Malley to bring her in,’ the DCI went on. ‘Where are you two now?’

‘Still fifteen minutes from Phoebe Plaskitt’s house,’ Hanson said, with a sudden lift in her spirits. ‘Do you want us to come back?’

‘No, you carry on,’ Jonah said. ‘She’s expecting you, and, whatever happens with Louise Reakes, I want to know more about Alex.’

‘Right,’ Hanson said, her brief hope shattered. ‘Can do.’